Mean Machine

This film is about a disgraced national football coach who gets imprisoned for assault. He coaches the prison football team to play against the guards.

While watching the first half of the film, I was so sure that I would not enjoy it. All the roughness and senseless violence put me off completely. However, as soon as the football match kicks in, I was amazed by the way it lifts my spirits. The match occupies 30 minute screen time, but there is not a second of boredom. Instead, it is so mightily engaging and thoroughly intense. It felt as if I was there to experience the match, and just like everyone, I was hoping for the ultimate pride that would last forever. I am truly impressed by the incredible story telling of "Mean Machine".

I could understand not liking this movie if someone was expecting Citizen Kane (and if you were, you should be flogged). For a straight to video/cable movie, it had great prod. value, sharp dialogue, and a great supporting cast of Guy Ritchie characters. Throw in some solid football and you have a film to help you forget the worries of your day. The commentary by the two Bobs alone makes it worthwhile. Jones is good, but Statham steals the show in almost all of his scenes. Like the original (The Longest Yard), it was made to entertain the audience, not to provoke some deep introspective thought on the existence of God. See it, rent it, buy it! If you cant discern the heavy British slang, throw on the subtitles. If you don't have a DVD player, how in the hell are you managing to read this?

You simply cannot put this movie down, a great all British cast and a great all British sport, being British and a great lover of Manchester United, i was up for this film and it didn't diasappoint me in the slightest. Vinnie Jones was brilliant as Danny Meehan and Jason Statham as the 'Monk' was simply classic vintage stuff. The match is what the watchers of this film want to see and it is fantastically constructed, just one tip of advice, don't p*** of the 'Monk'

10/10 stars, classic stuff

I really enjoyed this flick. Perhaps because I always enjoy sports related flicks, or because I am a huge fan of Vinnie Jones, thanks to Guy Richie, or maybe because I am in love with Jason Statham, also thanks to Guy.

But why I watched it in the first place was because I had always enjoyed The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds, in fact the only flick of his I enjoyed, and was very happy to see a British version of the football classic. I loved the characters, the seamless transition from American football to European football, and the accents. Vinnie Jones gives yet another great performance, and it was nice to see so many characters return from Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels as well as Snatch (great flicks!).

I give this flick 4 1/2 stars, only because it didn't showcase "Monk" enough for my tastes.

Call them old re-cycled clichés from the past perhaps, but this film, with Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham's impressionable performances, is worth seeing before this film hits the video stores or cable! At least, their characters are equally as funny and wild as The Longest Yard-`Burt Reynolds' bunch!

Of course, this is one heck of a guy's movie where cheers are for cons, and jeers for their `screws'! Still, it is one British comedy with loads of silly goofs, strengthened by a fantastic soccer game to hold the viewers' interest. Only wish all soccer games do bring equal excitement! This flick is one mean drama that takes the whole cast to kick up laughter! Yep, good old British `tavern' parlance… if the viewers have a knack for Cockney accents and slang! I'm not a sport fan, nor am I fond of ruthless and insensible nudging, but I literally behaved like a stadium spectator, guffawing boisterously while watching one team demean another. Each team does have its psychotic players with their crazy antics! Tough charlatans and their power struggle out on the open field!

Blimey! Lots of scenes making my brains rock and belly shake! The erratic `Mambo Jumbo' music score certainly builds up steam. No doubt, I'll have to try to get used to `Irish Eyes Are Smiling' strumming up in samba beat! But overall, the music compilation does well to yank up the moods. The camerawork frequently diminishes my eye-focus in my attempt to catch up with the actions and wit! Just one big soccer field for landscape, but there's enough living action to captivate the eyes! Some cool `aerial' camera-shots too!

But atlas, this is not the sort of film that will present food for thought once it's over. Everything is predictable, as in many sport-flicks. Laugh while events last! And believe that the only credible thing about this movie is the extensity of a corrupted man's gambling woes that goes with sport, as portrayed by the villainous Hemmings!

Of course, there's one learning lesson that gets through this flick: it takes meanness to fight meanness! Surprise? Of course not! What else can one expect from a bunch of toughies, involved in a rough sport and within a sinister environment! Rules, therefore, are meant to be broken and there will be plenty of vicious manipulations up everyone's sleeves! And how each culprit tackles it is a laughing matter! I sure had fun watching this flick