Owen Wilson credited as playing...
Alex
- Kelly Robinson: Hey, what's this? It looks like a sock.
- Alexander Scott: It's a secret spy mask, put it on.
- Kelly Robinson: [Kelly puts it on]
- Kelly Robinson: Hey man, this is a sock!
- Kelly Robinson: Kelly Robinson.
- Alexander Scott: Are you going to be referring to yourself in the third person, the whole time? Because that can get a little irritating.
- Kelly Robinson: He's a bad guy, right?
- Alexander Scott: I don't know. People are flip-flopping so much I lost track.
- Alexander Scott: Is this my stuff?
- BNS Equipment Technician: Oh, easy. This is Carlos' stuff. This is yours.
- Alexander Scott: Where's my monofilament phone descender? And I didn't get one of these exploding pagers. I don't see one of those.
- BNS Equipment Technician: You got the micro GPS.
- Alexander Scott: Micro?
- BNS Equipment Technician: This is your spy-cam.
- Alexander Scott: This is Carlos' spy-cam, and this is my spy-cam? Look at the size of this thing! Size matters. But in the spy world, it's reversed. You want people to say, "Look how small and sexy and sleek this is." Not "How huge this is! Look at what he pulled out of his pants. It's huge!"
- Kelly Robinson: [they're running away after a mission gone wrong because of Kelly] You know, I was born semi-pyschic, and I had a bad hunch something was gonna happen in that room.
- Alexander Scott: Then, why did you go into the room?
- Kelly Robinson: I'm only semi-pyschic! I ain't Miss Cleo!
- Hungarian Cop: [in Hungurian] Hands up! What's going on here?
- Alexander Scott: [in Hungurian about Kelly] The black guy! The black guy mugged me!
- Hungarian Cop: [tells Kelly in Hungurian to put his hands up]
- Kelly Robinson: I'd like to file a complaint! Wait!
- [being put into handcuffs]
- Kelly Robinson: Why am I being arrested? Why am I the only one getting arrested? This is bullshit! He kicked me, too! He kicked me in my nuts!
- [being put into police van]
- Kelly Robinson: Why am I getting arrested if I got kicked in my nuts! How come you just arresting the black man? My nuts was kicked!
- Alexander Scott: Is this my stuff?
- BNS Equipment Technician: Oh, easy. This is Carlos' stuff. This is yours.
- Alexander Scott: Where's my monofilament phone descender? And I didn't get one of these exploding pagers. I don't see one of those.
- BNS Equipment Technician: You got the micro GPS.
- Alexander Scott: Micro?
- BNS Equipment Technician: This is your spy-cam.
- Alexander Scott: This is Carlos' spy-cam, and this is my spy-cam? Look at the size of this thing! Size matters. But in the spy world, it's reversed. You want people to say, "Look how small and sexy and sleek this is." Not "How huge this is! Look at what he pulled out of his pants. It's huge!"
- Alexander Scott: [in a sexually aggressive way, Rachel slams Alex against a wall and then down on a cot] Oh! I think you broke my spine.
- [Rachel laughs]
- Alexander Scott: But in a good way.
- [after jumping from a building onto a catering tent to escape from bad guys]
- Kelly Robinson: Hey! That wasn't so bad!
- Alexander Scott: Yeah! Are your legs numb?
- Alexander Scott: This man is Arnold Gundars, premiere arms dealer. We believe he has the switchblade.
- Kelly Robinson: What you doing hanging from the ceiling like that? What you doing?
- Alexander Scott: No, don't walk in here.
- Kelly Robinson: Let me tell you something man, you ain't gonna be telling me what to do all the time. I'm Kelly Robinson, don't talk to me like that.
- [walks into a infra red security system]
- Kelly Robinson: Oh, shit.
- Carlos: You called, Edna? You are a vision as always. Ah, Hello, Alex.
- Alexander Scott: Hi, Carlos. How was Cuba?
- Carlos: Es... adequate.