Eddie Murphy credited as playing...
Donkey
- Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!
- Pinocchio: What should I say?
- Donkey: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"
- Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.
- Pinocchio: [silence]
- Shrek: Are you?
- Pinocchio: I most certainly am not!
- Pinocchio: [nose extends]
- Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!
- Pinocchio: I am not!
- Pinocchio: [nose extends]
- Puss-in-Boots: What kind?
- Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!
- [after drinking a beauty potion]
- Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?
- Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me.
- Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- Donkey: What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
- Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
- Puss-in-Boots: [camera shows just Puss] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
- Gingerbread Man: Shrek? Donkey?
- Puss-in-Boots: [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him] Too late.
- Shrek: Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!
- [Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]
- Queen: Harold!
- Princess Fiona: Shrek!
- Shrek: Fiona...
- King: Fiona!
- Princess Fiona: Mom!
- Queen: Harold!
- Donkey: [happily] Donkey!
- Receptionist: Look, she's not seeing any clients today. Okay?
- Shrek: That's okay, buddy. We're from the union.
- Receptionist: The union?
- Shrek: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
- Receptionist: Oh, of course.
- Shrek: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
- Receptionist: A little. We don't even have dental.
- Shrek: They don't even have dental. Okay, we're gonna have a look around. And buddy, it would be better if the Fairy Godmother doesn't know about this. Know what I mean? Hmm?
- Donkey: Hmm?
- Shrek: Hmm?
- Donkey: Huh? Huh? Huh?
- Shrek: Stop it.
- Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.
- Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?
- Shrek: No, Donkey! I need you to cry.
- Puss-in-Boots: I hate Mondays.
- Donkey: [disgusted, to Shrek] I can't believe you're just gonna walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you.
- Donkey: [to Puss-in-Boots] I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.
- Donkey: [carriage runs over Donkey] Oh, God! help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?
- Donkey: [singing] Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Rawhide! Line 'em up, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out, Pound dead, Make 'em tea, Buy 'em drinks, Meet their mommas, Milk 'em hard, RAWHIDE! YEE-HAW!
- [Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]
- Princess Fiona: Oh, Dad...
- Queen: Harold...
- Pinocchio: Is he... oh...
- [there's a "ribbit"]
- Gingerbread Man: He croaked...
- [Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]
- Queen: ...Harold?
- Princess Fiona: ...Dad?
- King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...
- Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!
- Shrek: Donkey!
- King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
- [Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]
- Queen: Harold...
- King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...
- Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...