Judge Reinhold credited as playing...
Richard Newton
- [Richard tries to find a valve while he's driving; Bill and Tommy attempt to stop him]
- Richard Newton: [to Beth; after he finds the maim sewage control valve] Here it is.
- Beth Newton: Here's what, Honey?
- Richard Newton: The main sewage control valve.
- [Richard pulls the valve as they drive pass Tommy and Bill]
- Richard Newton: [to the family] See?
- [cut back to Tommy and Bill,who are now covered in urine and fecal matter, they both scream]
- Tommy: It's Number two!
- [Bill sobs]
- [Brennan tries to watch "The Shakiest Gun in The West" on the DVD player; but as he presses play, he sees a computer code]
- Brennan Newton: [to his dad; regarding the DVD] Dad, this disc is a reject.
- Richard Newton: What? No, that was supposed to be one of the highlights of the trip.
- [Richard shows his family the RV for the first time]
- Richard Newton: [to Brennan] Hey, Brennan. I bet all your friends are gonna be staying in hotels this summer. We're gonna sleep beside pristine lakes in the great outdoors, and the beauty of it is...
- Richard Newton: [shouting; to his family] ... this rig has everything! So, you'll never even know you left home.
- Brennan Newton: [not excited] That's just it, Dad: It's home, but smaller for two weeks.
- [Richard is driving the RV through a bug zone on a desert road]
- Brennan Newton: So, Dad, that hotel I mentioned? It's pretty close by.
- Richard Newton: [to Brennan] We're not staying in a hotel. I didn't stay in one in my childhood motor home trip, and we ain't staying in one now! We're perfectly fine in our house on wheels, everyone got that?
- [first lines]
- [Sara and Beth are packing for their trip]
- Beth Newton: What are you doing?
- Sara Newton: [holding a camcorder] Dad said I'm family videographer. I'm documenting our journey!
- [Beth grabs some items and chuckles at Sara's comment]
- Beth Newton: We're not going on a journey, Sara. We're going on a very long drive.
- Beth Newton: Nuh-uh! Dad said we're taking a journey!
- [Beth chuckles again]
- Sara Newton: Does the R.V. have a power port for my laptop?
- Beth Newton: Well, we're on a budget, Sara and the economy R.V. might not even have a toilet; but I'm sure it has a cigarette lighter.
- Sara Newton: [sternly] Power port, mom. We don't say "cigarette lighter" anymore.
- Beth Newton: Well, we also don't walk around with a milk mustache no matter how much it accentuates our booger nose, Sara.
- [Beth wipes off Sara's milk mustache as she's filming]
- Sara Newton: Sorry, I'm too excited about our trip. Mom, Dad has been quoted as saying this is gonna be the funnest vacation ever. Can we get *your* reaction?
- Beth Newton: Honey, driving across town to a family reunion, cooking, cleaning, organizing and budgeting is not fun and *not* a vacation! Yet, it's what I do with my free time.
- [Beth grimaces at Sara]
- Beth Newton: [an old fashioned RV drives past the Newton residence]
- Beth Newton: Oh no!
- Sara Newton: [disgusted] Eww!
- Beth Newton: [worried this is the RV Richard bought] No, please!
- [the clunker of RV has passed their drive way]
- Beth Newton: [relieved] Thank you.
- [a modern RV pulls into the Newtons' driveway]
- Beth Newton: No! Not my gnomes!
- [the RV hits a couple of lawn gnomes as it stops in the driveway; much to Beth's annoyance]
- Beth Newton: [commenting on the size of the RV Richard has rented] He got the biggest one they had!
- [Richard steps out of the RV]
- Richard Newton: Now this... is camping!
- Sara Newton: [as she runs to greet her father and check out the RV] Dad, this is so cool!
- Richard Newton: You like it? Go check it out!
- [Brennan steps out of the RV irritated]
- Brennan Newton: [to Richard] You think that's cool? Wait until *your* friends drive by, pointing at it and laughing at *you*! Then we'll see how cool you think it is!
- Richard Newton: Brennan, maybe one of the just told a joke. Did you consider that?
- Brennan Newton: Yeah. The joke was, "Look everybody! Brennan Newton is going on vacation with his family in a bus!" God, how lame is that? Even Jessica Donnelly saw me.
- Richard Newton: Hey, Brenn. Your friends are all gonna stay in hotels this summer. We're gonna sleep beside pristine lakes in the great outdoors; and the beauty of it is this rig has everything! So you'll never even know you left home!
- Brennan Newton: That's just it, Dad. It's home, but smaller for two weeks.
- [Brennan takes off still irritated]
- Brennan Newton: [under his breath] I don't even wanna go on this stupid trip anyway.
- Richard Newton: [telling the truth of the disasterious road trip, at the bug crossing] All I wanted to do is give my family a great vacation. It's been one disaster after another. This is even worse than the motor home vacation I had as a kid.
- Brennan Newton: [shocked at this deception] What?
- Beth Newton: I thought you loved that trip.
- Richard Newton: [revealing his lie] I hated it.
- Beth Newton: Well, then why do you keep telling us how much you loved it?
- Richard Newton: [telling the full truth] Because I wanted to remember it that way. I wanted to forget how bad it really was. And the truth is... it was horrible. My brother and I fought the whole 2,000 miles. And Spartacus, our dog, was car sick. Can you believe that? A car sick dog? It was horrible. My mother -- My mother kept telling us how much fun we were having, but we weren't having any fun. My dad drove himself crazy trying to make sure we had fun.
- Sara Newton: [sparing his feelings] It's okay, Daddy. We know how you feel.
- Brennan Newton: Yeah, Dad. We know exactly how you feel.