R. Lee Ermey credited as playing...
Coach
- Coach Norton: By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
- Wayne: Uh, yeah. Yeah, we snuffed that broad just like ya said.
- Coach Norton: Good. How'd ya do it?
- Wayne: We, um...
- J.D.: Ate her...
- Coach Norton: You ate her?
- Wayne: Yeah, we ate her.
- J.D.: Alive.
- Coach Norton: My hat goes off to you. You boys are smart; that's the perfect crime.
- Coach Norton: Remember, boys! STAY AWAY from women! All they want from you is your man-juice! If you ever get the kind of urges that cannot be supressed by hard liquor, then use this!
- [shows his right hand]
- Coach Norton: When are you going to get hitched there, son?
- J.D.: Actually I'm not, I'm GAY.
- Coach Norton: Oh... me too!
- Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
- Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining
- J.D.: God! What is their PROBLEM?
- Coach Norton: [Watches a live feed of Judith locked up in the garage on the TV] What the hell we got here? Some kind of public access show or something?
- Wayne: [Nervously] Yeah.
- Coach Norton: Wait a minute, that's the kidnap victim, ain't it? You didn't kill her.
- Wayne: No, coach.
- Coach Norton: I'm real disappointing in you boys. Now I want you to go out there and off that cooze.
- Wayne: We can't, coach.
- Coach Norton: [Notices Judith untying herself from the chair] FOR PETE'S SAKE! She's getting out! Go chop her head off or something!
- Coach Norton: [J.D. and Wayne don't budge] There's no fight left in you! You're nutless! You've been pussified! Don't worry about a thing boys I'll take care of that broad.
- Wayne: Coach, we need your advice.
- Coach Norton: Okay, shoot.
- Wayne: Darren fell in love with this girl, Judith. And we kidnapped her.
- Coach Norton: Kill her.
- Wayne: Wait a second, let me finish. So we screwed up, because now she knows who we are. And we can't let her go, or she'll turn us in.
- Coach Norton: Is that it? Is that everything? Hmmm... ..kill her!
- Coach Norton: What is it that I always said?
- J.D., Wayne: If you can dream it, you can do it.
- Coach Norton: Exactly! You have the dream. All you need to do is turn it into reality.
- Coach Norton: So when are you getting hitched?
- J.D.: Actually, I'm not. I'm gay.
- Coach Norton: Me too.