Chris Klein credited as playing...
Gilbert Noble
- Larry Falwell: I mean this is the kinda think that makes a man wanta bludgeon his family and go on a three-day drunk.
- Gilbert Noble: That's pretty serious talk, Larry. Maybe you should be speaking to a professional about these things.
- Larry Falwell: You mean a hit man? Now, that's the easiest way to get caught. Unless you did it?
- Gilbert Noble: I was talking about a shrink, Larry.
- Larry Falwell: Get real... that's for crazy people.
- Valdine: [explaining her reasons for giving up her baby, to an increasingly dismayed Gilbert and Jo] I figured the best thing to do was to give you away. You know, to somebody who wouldn't resent you for your burden. I mean, one of you had to go and Jo was already house-broke.
- Gilbert Noble: This can't be happening.
- Valdine: I know this must be very difficult for you. But just think how lucky you are that you found out before it was too late, before you got married and consumated this forbidden relationship.
- [causes Jo to run off to the bathroom, retching]
- Valdine: Sweet Lord! You ponied your sister.
- Gilbert Noble: Oh, my God.
- Josephine Wingfield: Who's next?
- Gilbert Noble: Um, right here.
- Josephine Wingfield: Come here.
- [puts barber cape on Gilly]
- Josephine Wingfield: So, how do you like it?
- Gilbert Noble: Uh you know just... Just like it is, only not quite so long.
- Josephine Wingfield: So you want it shorter then?
- Gilbert Noble: Yeah, shorter. I think shorter is the way to go.
- [She sprays his hair; some water gets into his eyes, which he closes; she then combs the back of his head]
- Gilbert Noble: So, you cut a lot of hair?
- Josephine Wingfield: [laughs] I guess so. I mean, I've been working here a month or so, ever since I moved back.
- Gilbert Noble: Oh, so you're not from, uh-- where-where you from?
- Josephine Wingfield: [notices a knot in Gilly's hair] Oh, I'm from here. Yeah, I was living in Oregon for a while, Beaver, Oregon, but then I moved back cause I had to help out with my daddy
- [tries to comb the knot out of Gilly's hair]
- Josephine Wingfield: he had stroke number two, and he's paralyzed now, so...
- Gilbert Noble: Ow. That's a shame. It truly is.
- Josephine Wingfield: Well, it's his own damn fault. He's so tense all the time.
- [finally cuts the knot of hair off]
- Josephine Wingfield: It's like he's got fire ants running through his veins.
- [accidentally stabs Gilly in the cheek with her scissors]
- Josephine Wingfield: Oh! I'm sorry. Oh.
- [puts tissue on Gilly's cheek]
- Josephine Wingfield: How's that, um.. I'm sorry. What did you say your name was?
- Gilbert Noble: Actually, I didn't. It's Gilly.
- Josephine Wingfield: Okay, Gilly. I'm Jo. Could you hold that there for me? How's that for length?
- Gilbert Noble: Beautiful.
- [notices picture of Jo holding a cat]
- Gilbert Noble: So, I see you have a cat.
- Josephine Wingfield: Well, I had a cat. He ran away two weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
- Gilbert Noble: Oh. He'll be back. You know cats.
- Josephine Wingfield: I had him since he was a pup. And I don't know what I'll do without my little Ringo.
- Gilbert Noble: Ringo? That must be a pretty popular name for a cat these days.
- Josephine Wingfield: [surprised] It is?
- Gilbert Noble: I work down at the animal shelter, I just took in a cat yesterday named Ringo. Too bad this Ringo's missing a tail.
- Josephine Wingfield: [excited] That's my cat!
- [She accidentally cuts off half of Gilly's ear causing him to scream]
- Gilbert Noble: Jo, listen. I got great news. I, uh - I found Leon. I found Leon, and I got him dead to rights.
- Josephine Wingfield: That's great, Gilly. Now, why don't you just pull your arm out of Leon's butt, and we'll take a drive to the hospital.
- Streak: You got any naked pictures of your sister?
- [chuckling]
- Gilbert Noble: Of course not.
- Streak: Wanna buy some?
- Dig McCaffrey: Now, be a friend and fetch my getaway sticks, daddy.
- Gilbert Noble: Your what?
- Dig McCaffrey: My legs, captain. My legs.
- Gilbert Noble: Oh, shit.
- Dig McCaffrey: Less feces, more fetchin'. Get over here and get it, boy.
- Gilbert Noble: I'm sorry. I never hit anyone before.
- Dig McCaffrey: Well, I'm glad I was your first. Hope I was gentle.
- Gilbert Noble: Now listen, Jo, I don't want you to feel that you owe me dinner just because I found your cat and you cut off my ear.