Justin Long credited as playing...
Dean
- Dean: [to Monty, regarding Calvin] No, wait a minute. You have to *get* the pussy before you can be whipped by it.
- Dean: [meeting new trainee Mitch] Listen, man. You got nothing to worry about.
- [pats Mitch on shoulder]
- Dean: It's just a game.
- Monty: Exactly.
- Dean: And besides, you know, if heterosexual men can't show their cocks to each other, then what the hell are we doing here?
- Monty: Amen, brother.
- Dean: [tweaking Mitch's nipple] You're adorable.
- Dean: Calvin, what happens with every girl you're interested in?
- Monty: Nothing!
- Dean: You take 'em out, you pay for everything, and you never make a move!
- Monty: And then you go home, alone, to masturbate while you cry, using your own tears as lube...
- [cut off]
- Calvin: Ok, that was once, and I was drunk, and *it was Valentine's Day*. So back off.
- Dan: Now I'm not gonna lie to you. The job comes with more responsibility, but it offers a lot more rewards.
- Dan: You get full medical, dental,two-weeks' paid vacation, and I might add a hefty pay increase. I do pretty well.
- Dean: Cool.
- Dan: It is cool. And let's not forget the power.
- Dean: Right.
- Dan: Control. You tell people to do things, and they have to do it, or they get in trouble.
- Dan: I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button. - Think about it.
- Natasha: Dean.
- Dean: What?
- Natasha: The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old.
- Dean: [tosses a cake with Happy Birthday onto the counter from the box] I need birthday singers!
- Monty: Come on, people! We need birthday singers!
- Naomi: Fuck.
- Dean: [the gang walk toward Table 37, clapping and cheering. Dean holds out the cake and brings it to the table, spotting Timmy] There he is. There's the big winner.
- [sets the cake onto the table where Timmy is]
- Monty: [excitedly] Yeah!
- Dean: All right. Attention, guests! Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! Big round of applause.
- [the guests cheer and applaud]
- Dean: He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit.
- Dean: [singing] I don't know but I've been told.
- Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Someone here is getting old!
- Dean: [singing, Timmy looks frightened] Good news is dessert is free.
- Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Bad news is we sing off-key!
- Dean: [singing] Happy birthday...
- Dean, Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [point to Timmy, in unison] TO YOU!
- [Timmy starts crying in embarrassment, the waiters applaud and cheer. One of them holds up Timmy's arm and waves it in the air]
- Natasha: Look at the camera!
- [holding a camera]
- Dean: Picture time.
- [the camera snaps and we're revealed the photograph of all the waiters and Timmy posed for the picture, Timmy still cries in the background as this happens]
- Dean: All right. All right. Cry it off.