Joan Cusack credited as playing...
Jenny Portman
- Audrey Davis: [Jenny bursts into the motel room] Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find me?
- Jenny Portman: You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car.
- Jenny Portman: [to BZ who has just come out of the bathroom] Stay! Ten...
- Audrey Davis: You're not my mother, if you haven't noticed.
- Jenny Portman: No. But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don't get in that car now. Seven, six...
- BZ: But we're not ready to go yet.
- Jenny Portman: Oh, you're not ready? Well... Well, are you ready for this?
- [Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach]
- Jenny Portman: I don't think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don't think so.
- Jenny Portman: [to Audrey] Four, three...
- Audrey Davis: Are you happy? You just ruined my entire life.
- Jenny Portman: Well, we'll fix it later. Two...
- [back to BZ]
- Jenny Portman: You.
- BZ: Chill out, Mommy.
- Jenny Portman: Hey.
- BZ: It's all good.
- Jenny Portman: [cutting in] Don't you talk to me like that.
- BZ: It's just a prom.
- Jenny Portman: [cutting in more] You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate your sorry ass. Do you understand me?
- BZ: Yes, ma'am.
- Jenny Portman: By the way, you're not a bad person. But this is very bad behavior. Very bad behavior.
- Jenny Portman: [Being kicked by her unborn child] Ooh, ooh! Sweetie, what did mommy say about kicking while she's having a conversation? You need to wait until she's finished. Thank you very much.
- Helen Harris: Did you just boss around the unborn?
- Jenny Portman: It's never too early to learn good manners.
- Jenny Portman: [as she examines the new apartment] I bet this is lead paint. Guys. Guys, guys. Don't chew on the windowsills, all right?
- Helen Harris: Yeah. Stick to the table legs like I taught you.
- Helen Harris: It's like they've never seen a dress before!
- Jenny Portman: No, they've just never seen a half of a dress.
- Lindsay Davis: Who's this? This is Jenny?
- Jenny Portman: Yes.
- Lindsay Davis: And I wonder what it is. It must be...
- Lindsay Davis, Helen Harris: [in unison] Potpourri.
- Jenny Portman: No. You're all wrong. It's not potpourri. It's a make-your-own potpourri kit.