John Corbett credited as playing...
Pastor Dan Parker
- Helen Harris: Pastor Dan just asked me out.
- Audrey Davis: That is so weird.
- Pastor Dan Parker: I can hear you. I'm still here. Go inside and do that.
- Pastor Dan Parker: Let's talk about some things you could do at home.
- Helen Harris: You wanna know what I've been doing at home? I've been doing the best I can. Do you have any idea what this has done to my life?
- Pastor Dan Parker: Hey, Helen, you have any idea what it's done to theirs?
- Helen Harris: Hey, Pastor Dan? Mr. Self-righteous? I'm hanging on by a thread here. I lost my sister, my social life, my disposable income, my ability to fit into a size 2, and - this just in - my job. Pretty much the only two things that haven't disappeared are my nicotine fits and a few pounds that have recently taken up residence on my ass. So forgive me if I'm not too thrilled about being lectured, in Queens, about being a lousy legal guardian to three kids who maybe shouldn't have been given to me in the first place.
- Helen Harris: ...Father.
- Pastor Dan Parker: Pastor.
- Helen Harris: ...Father Pastor.
- Pastor Dan Parker: Pastor Parker.
- Helen Harris: Sarah, you don't have to learn to tie your shoes right now. When you're ready to tie your shoes, you will.
- Pastor Dan Parker: That's right. Shoe-tying is tough. Why do you think Jesus wore sandals?
- Helen Harris: See you at Vespers.
- Pastor Dan Parker: Do you know what Vespers is?
- Helen Harris: Some kind of scooter?
- Pastor Dan Parker: Close enough.
- Helen Harris: Ok, problem. They're all hemophiliacs. Can't take blood. Shhh... they're sensitive!
- Pastor Dan Parker: It's a joke.
- Helen Harris: Why would I joke about hemophilia?