Demons at the Door

Ok, first of all, this b-movie is very very bad. I don't know what kind of a retarded bunch of lobotomized apes could ever conceive this utter sh*t, but what the hell, what's done is done, and I'm here to review this piece of crap.

The film starts with this prologue with a corny voiceover and Star Wars like words against a space backdrop (the voice and the words aren't even synchronized!) The story is very lame, basically telling about the war between Lucifer and God and how Lucifer is banished to hell, and then comes this Eye of Satan (or what have you) which supposedly frees the Devil and his demons so that they can enslave mankind (Is it just me or does this sound like Lord of the Rings)

Anyways, we cut to some place in a CGI Middle East where archaeologists dig for this eye of satan, something goes wrong when some very typical Islamic terrorist (which is a white guy, funny eh?) shoots a coupla scientists. The gate of hell is opened and a bunch of demons are released (They look like a cross between Predator AND Alien, not the kind of demons I had in mind)

The whole movie is just about how 2 macho marines and a female scientist (funny that they are always young twenty-something females with big tits) kill the demons.

This movie is terrible, but not a complete waste of time though, because there are some scenes which will leave you rolling on the floor laughing, such as the rapping devil and the black marine ripping each other off, funny how most of the demons and the monsters act like foul-mouthed thugs (there was a lot of "yeah i'm gonna F**k your daughter like how I f**ked the Blair Witch) The end of the movie is completely ludicrous and amusing, but I won't give it away.

The CGI in the movie is amongst the worst I've ever seen in any film, mini-series, pc game or flash animation. Some of the stuff could be done on microsoft paintbrush, but this altogether adds to the humor when you point out its utter trashiness. At some point (or most) I feel really bad for the director for creating this, or anyone involved for...umm, getting involved. But in the end it was a joyous experience. I give it a * out of *****, i would have give it a 0 if it didn't make me laugh this hard, which this film succeeded in doing.

ps. can't believe i wrote so much for this crap.

I actually rented this terrible excuse for no budget film because I saw it advertised on Fangoria Magazine. Being a big fan of the magazine, and of good low budget film making, I try to never have too high expectations when watching Indie flicks.

This however was worse than I ever expected! I am about as positive and forgiving a person as anyone can ever meet, but even I can't find anything good about this movie. The plot, the acting, special effects, camera work, everything about this movie is just an absolute catastrophe! What in the world can possess anyone to create something this lousy! I just can't explain any of the above to myself. I was actually embarrassed for the people involved in this project simply because I know I'm not the only one who's experienced this disaster...

To top things off - the director of this movie is an effects man for SOTA - a special effects company that in the past has done fantastic work. I figured no matter how bad the movie would be - at least it would have that going for it --- boy was I wrong! I've seen low budget flicks from three decades ago that had better effects than this - I think someone with no experience and a "do it yourself" make-up effects instruction book from the seventy's could've done a better job! You've been warned - stay away from this vile wreck! It really is the worse movie ever made!

In general, I think the digital revolution is a good thing. Somewhere in the world, the next Sam Raimi is creating a horror masterpiece using just a digital movie camera, a home computer and a copy of Final Cut Pro. Hopefully very soon, someone is going to reinvigorate indie horror on a small budget and I can't wait to see it.

This is not that movie.

You know you're in trouble from the first frame of this movie. There's some kind of ridiculous voice over about angels that plays over some really terrible CG shots of the Earth from space and some kind of comet. Then, it cuts to a shot of two archaeologists working on some kind of dig. Apparently they have discovered some kind of ancient door, which they are brushing clean of sand. Take a stock shot of the desert and superimpose a picture of two people with paint brushes in the lower left corner. That's the way this shot looks.

Reading one of the other comments, I was led to believe that the lead "actor", Richard Benedetto, is some kind of established comedian. If I were Richard, I wouldn't quit my day job. Physically, he's a low rent combination of Lou Ferrrigno and Frank Stallone. His acting is the only horrifying part of this whole movie. I'm also not buying the idea that this was meant to be funny. The movie only sways into an absurd comedy in the last half hour. I think someone probably watched the first hour and realized that it wasn't working as a horror movie, so they rewrote the ending to make it into a screwball comedy thing.

The effects are obviously done on a home computer, but not anything that was made before 1979. These look like they were done on an Atari 800. These effects are worse than anything you'll see on a third graders flash animation site. The lighting is horrible. It's as if they couldn't afford a light bulb over 40 watts or they didn't know how to open up the aperture on the camera. They tried to fix this in post by blasting the image with as much light as possible, which just makes it grainy. There are shots in the movie that are so grainy that you'd swear there was sand in your TV screen.

Clearly, the writer and director were influenced by Sam Raimi, but they also seem to love the lowbrow comedy of Trey Parker. Their attempt to create a movie that combines South Park and Evil Dead is a questionable goal to begin with... the result is worse than you can imagine.

After watching this movie two thoughts crossed my mind. The first one being why did I rent this? the second one being. "I think i am dumber now then 2 hours before." This movie was so bad words are hard to find to explain it, but I will do my best. The dialog was horrible, full of really bad one liners. The plot sucked beyond all reason. The special effects were done with micro soft paint. If I had made this movie, I wouldn't show it to my friends, relatives, family or anybody. if i had anything to do with this movie I would keep it a secret to the grave. There is one scene where a monster comes out to attack one of the soldiers, but you can see his HUMAN FOOT. A boot must have fallen off or something, but it is right there in the open. This movie was a waste of my time. If I could get those two hours back of my life I would. This film should be burned and barred for life.

I work at Blockbuster, so I get free rentals. I saw this and said "what the heck, it's free". I haven't laughed this much in a very long time. Horribly bad computer effects paired up with horrible dialog and horrible acting makes for a very funny movie about a battle between humans and the hordes of Hell. If I had to compare it to something I'd compare it to Evil Dead 2. The gallons of green demon blood, the chainsaw, the possessed hand, are all in this movie. And the ending is so unexpected and ludicrous that it caps off the excellent hilarity of this movie. If you're looking for laughs and can put up with horrible acting and effects, watch this movie. You won't regret it.