Ryan Reynolds: Hannibal King

Blade: Trinity

Hannibal King

Danica Talos: Enough! It's not funny anymore!
Hannibal King: No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch! But it will be a few seconds from now. See, that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now?
[Asher, Jarko, and Danica start coughing]
Hannibal King: That's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!
[Jarko and Asher cough harder]
Hannibal King: Which means the fat lady should be singing, right... about... now!
[pause where nothing happens]
Hannibal King: Heh, this is awkward.
[still nothing]
Hannibal King: Do you have a cell phone?

Danica Talos: [licking one of Hannibal's wounds] You're tasting a little bland, lover. Are you getting enough fatty acids in your diet? Have you tried lake trout? Mackerel?
Hannibal King: How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?
Danica Talos: And how about everyone here not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy.

Jarko Grimwood: [about his vampire Pomeranian] Precious, isn't he?
Hannibal King: Well, that depends who you ask. Because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you.
Jarko Grimwood: And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuck-face?
[he kicks Hannibal in the face]
Hannibal King: Ow!
[points at Danica]
Hannibal King: I was talking to her!

Hannibal King: [to Danica, as she is dying from the Daystar Plague] Hang in there, kitten. I'll get help.

Hannibal King: Her name is Danica Talos. You met her earlier. And unlike typical vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina.
[Blade's expression doesn't change]
Hannibal King: Moving on...

Hannibal King: [after watching Blade casually kill a familiar] You know, at some point, you, uh, you might wanna consider sitting down with somebody. You know, have a little share time? Kick back. Get in touch with your inner child, that sorta thing. Also, just a thought, but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while.
[Blade stops and slowly turns to look at Hannibal]
Hannibal King: I'm sorry, I, uh... I ate a lot of sugar today.

Danica Talos: Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's been planning?
Hannibal King: I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. Two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.

Hannibal King: Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Say we're successful, say we wipe out all the vampires. What then? Huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching Karate at the local Y.
[Blade just walks off]
Hannibal King: He hates me, doesn't he?
Abigail Whistler: Yeah.

Hannibal King: We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.
Blade: Hmm. Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon.
Hannibal King: Well, we were gonna go with the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken.

Dex: Consider us your reinforcements.
Blade: What? You amateurs are supposed to be helping me? You? Look at you. You're kids. You're not ready to roll with this. I mean, look at the way you're dressed. What, that's supposed to be tactical?
[about Hannibal's name tag]
Blade: What is this? What is that? "Fuck you." It's a joke, huh? What the fuck is wrong with y'all? You think this is a joke? You think this is a fucking sit-com?
Hannibal King: Okay, first off, that's just rude. Second, I'm pretty sure we saved your ass back there.

[first lines]
Hannibal King: In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy always manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water. But everybody knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it started with Blade, and it ended with him. The rest of us were just along for the ride.

[Jarko punches King]
Hannibal King: Ooh, gonna be sorry you did that.
Asher Talos: Why? Nobody's coming for you, King-shit.
Hannibal King: Sure they are.
[in pain]
Hannibal King: God! See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us Nightstalkers is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy little door prizes, and one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body.
[all laugh]
Jarko Grimwood: Bullshit.
Hannibal King: Yeah. See, when one of us goes missing, the others, they just dial up the satellite... which is in space. And then presto. Instant cavalry.
[Asher claps]
Hannibal King: You like that, huh? Go fuck your sister.

Danica Talos: Okay King, where is this tracking node of yours?
Hannibal King: It's in my left ass cheek.
[Danica slaps King in the face]
Hannibal King: Fine. It's in my right ass cheek.
[Danica slaps King in the face again]
Hannibal King: Okay, I'm - okay, seriously now. It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo.
[Danica kicks King in the groin]
Hannibal King: Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself.

Hannibal King: Hedges, super-size me, sweetheart.
[Hedges hands him a four-barrel rifle]
Hannibal King: This little peashooter, it's a modified version of the Army's objective individual combat weapon. Pick your poison - sun dogs, stakes, heat-seeking mini-rockets. Basically, whatever gets you hard, this puppy'll pump 'em out.
[sarcastic]
Hannibal King: Of course, it doesn't have the range of a *sword*, but, uh...

[Abby inspects Hannibal's shoulder wound, then pulls out an aerosol can]
Hannibal King: Whoa, hold on! What are you- What is that? What are you doin'?
Abigail Whistler: It's an elastic protein, okay? It's gonna stop the haemorraging.
Hannibal King: Okay. Is it gonna hurt?
Abigail Whistler: Yeah, it's gonna sting a little.
Hannibal King: Really?
[she applies the protein, spraying a thick paste into the wound with a hiss]
Hannibal King: FUCK... ME!