Bikini Bandits

This movie SOUNDS great. Not in any high minded, intellectual fashion, but just as some great cheese to down with your buddies. It has half naked women, guns, Dee Dee Ramone as the pope, Jello Biafara, Maynard as Satan, time travel, fast cars... it sounds brilliant, right?

It is not. This is, without a doubt, the worst film ever made. This is from a man who loved "Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter". There's no plot, no point, and worst of all, no FUN. The closest thing to a running gag is the joke they pulled on you by getting this thing released. It's clear they had no idea what to do with the film; but they rightly guessed that if they got some cult celebrities together with a bunch of hot women, they could get it released regardless. To fill out the time they throw out a series of unconnected skits, woodenly acted and lacking any conceivable flow. Even the violence/sex this kind of movie falls back on to hide deeper troubles are strictly PG-13 (Baywatch is more graphic than anything here). The (very) few funny moments have nothing to do with the plot at all, but are quick inserts thrown in to pad a movie that had clearly failed even in the eyes of it's director.

The director clearly has an amazing talent; he sold this movie to some amazing guest stars, to whoever funded it, to whoever agreed to release it...but he never had a movie to begin with. People show up on screen, do their bit, and move on presumably under the impression they were going to appear in a movie; but in the end it's just a parade of pointless clips, nothing more. Even having seen it, the pitch sounds good (underground rockers, time traveling bikini bandits, guns and cars, who can go wrong?)... but the movie isn't there. A talent for salesmanship makes you a great car dealer, not a great director.

In closing, Corey Feldman called this film the worst mistake of his life.

Corey. Feldman. Called it the worst mistake of his life.

To quote another poster, "Anyone with a sense of humor for the absurd, I would highly recommend this film." This comment alone is a perfect way to put it simply in one statement.

I mean come on! Just look at the title. That alone is a dead give away. And again, Maynard James Keenan and Corey Feldman in the same movie? What more could you ask for!? Aside from some hot chicks running around in bikini's of course.

Wait a minute! This movie has them too!! Thank you Jesus for such a phenomenal movie! Oops. I mean thank you Satan. heh heh heh (checking over my shoulders)

This movie is perfect for 10-13 pre-adolescent boys. Plenty to giggle about, nothing of substance. Nothing to recommend. In all fairness to the public, the producers should pay you to see it. It's certainly not worth seeing, much less paying for. Mr Feldman was a loser before this movie came out and this did nothing to change my opinion of him. With a title like the Bikini Bandit Experience I knew it wasn't going to be a classic along the lines of Gone With The Wind, but I was hoping for something closer to Animal House or Porky's. I would have even settled for something closer to Hot Dog, The Movie, but this one even fell short of that pitiful effort.

Well what can I say.. if I was looking for intellectually stimulating movie, I can't say that I would go out and buy a movie by this title. But if I just wanted to have a cheap laugh with some of my favorite musicians, whilst drooling over some scantly clothed big breasted women then the title would be appealing. The movie or rather skits, follow suit. Maynard would have jumped at the chance to play the dark lord Satan, and with his philosophies on the lack of free thinking in our society, this movie was a great chance to take the absolute P!$$ out of mainstream art.(or lack there of.) Funny to say the least, but if you watch it and can do nothing but complain about the content then you need to have a look at yourself and maybe get some help reading the title's of the movies you watch because seriously, who was really expecting an epic here? But for TOOL, Ramones and DK's fans its a great laugh.

The boisterously incoherent, stridently crude B-Movie bacchanal Bikini Bandits Experience pulchritudinously provides a lusty barrage of boorish buffoonery, synapse-stupefying smuttiness, and noisome Beavis and Butt-headed hedonism. With no salacious stone left unturned, BBE remains an inglorious descent into meth-addled, attention deficited, mercilessly MT Veed mega-mong! What Bikini Bandits Experience knows about good taste wouldn't fill a Hobbit's posing pouch, but like the man said, you can spray a turd gold, and it'll still stink, while he makes a cogent point, I earnestly believe that a world without golden turds would be a palpably duller one! Some, perhaps, may find this jarringly episodic freak-fest to be an incorrigible shambles, I moistly enjoyed it, but, I'm absolutely no sane man's idea of a viable demographic! One of the more inalienably meritorious aspects of Bikini Bandits Experience is the fact that should the viewer nod off, they shall always pleasingly awaken to the edifying vision of bountifully bouncing boobage! While faded pop culture peen Corey Feldman's presence is undeniably slight, his increasing awkwardness is not altogether horrible to behold.