Steve Zahn credited as playing...
Jack
- Jack: [after hearing David was fired] Tell that fuckstick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick!
- David Walsh: I don't even know what that means.
- Jack: He'll know what it means!
- Jack: The... the engagement party! How come you didn't invite me?
- David Walsh: I didn't think you'd come.
- Jack: I wouldn't have.
- David Walsh: Then why are you here?
- Jack: 'Cause you didn't invite me.
- David Walsh: If I knew you're not going to come, why would I bother sending an invitation?
- Jack: Look, there's a reason why I'm your oldest friend in the world.
- David Walsh: I can't seem to remember what it is right now.
- Jack: I tell the truth.
- Jack: They don't deserve the steam off your piss!
- David Walsh: Are you smoking crack?
- Jack: No, not... not right now.
- [in the sauna]
- Jack: You ever watch figure skating, man?
- David Walsh: Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind.
- Jack: I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan...
- David Walsh: What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that.
- Jack: ...I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother.
- David Walsh: Jack, you know Eric's gay.
- Jack: Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers.
- Eric: Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack.
- Jack: I mean it! I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln...
- [makes a face and tries to contain his laughter]
- Eric: Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?
- David Walsh: You just gave a dead woman's bracelet to an eighteen year old stripper who's gonna fuck you in the parking lot while you snort crank off a hunting knife.
- Jack: Your point is?