David Hayter: Snake

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Snake

Ocelot: What's your name?
Naked Snake: Snake.
Ocelot: No, not that name. You're not a snake, and I'm not an ocelot. We're men with names. My name... is Adamska. And you?
Naked Snake: John.
Ocelot: Plain name. But I won't forget it.

Sigint: Snake, what's up? Why are you naked? I know there's a "NAKED" option under "UNIFORM" that lets you take off the upper part of your uniform. But without a shirt on, your camouflage sucks, and your stamina goes down faster. You don't get any advantages whatsoever.
Naked Snake: Sure there are.
Sigint: Like what?
Naked Snake: It feels good.
Sigint: Man, you do whatever you want.
Naked Snake: I will, thanks. Just one question, though.
Sigint: What?
Naked Snake: Is there a way to take off my pants?
Sigint: [aghast] Say WHAT?
Naked Snake: My pants, can I...?
Sigint: Aw, hell no! This FOX unit is a nut-fest!
[Snake chuckles mischievously]

Sigint: [if you call Sigint while wearing a cardboard box] Uh, Snake... what are you doing?
Naked Snake: I'm in a box.
Sigint: A cardboard box? Wha-why are you...?
Naked Snake: I dunno, I was just looking at it, and suddenly I got this irresistible urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here: in the box!
Sigint: Destiny?
Naked Snake: Yeah. And then, when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can't put it into words. I feel... safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness.
Sigint: [baffled] Uh-huh.
Naked Snake: Does any of that make sense?
Sigint: Not even a little.
Naked Snake: You should come inside the box. Then you'll know what I mean.
Sigint: Man, I don't wanna know what you mean! Between you and Para-Medic, is everyone but me that is hooked up with the Major strange?
Naked Snake: [gives an upset groan]
Sigint: Yeah, well. Anyway, I suppose even that dumbass box might make a decent disguise if you wear it inside a building.

[if you call Sigint after a nightmare]
Sigint: Well, let me tell you about the absolute worst, most sickening nightmare I ever had. This one isn't for the kids. OK, so there's this huge pile of crap, right? It's shaped like a giant tank, and it's walking around on two legs, goin' on a rampage and stompin' on people and houses and stuff. And this giant turd is carrying the nastiest missiles you ever saw. Like whenever it launches one of its turd missiles... whatever it hits - people, trees, buildings - turns into shit. My hometown, my old school, my family, my girlfriend, old man John... Everything in that turd's path turned into shit.
Naked Snake: That's... pretty sick, man.

Solid Snake: [on radio before starting Snake vs Monkey] I'll say this once and only once. I'm not taking out any more Metal Gears! Not rescuing any old men, or VIP. If it's a hot damsel in distress, I'll think about it.
Colonel Campbell: Well, it's not exactly a hot damsel, but it is a rescue mission.
Solid Snake: What are we rescuing?
Colonel Campbell: Apes.
Solid Snake: What?
Colonel Campbell: Monkeys.
Solid Snake: Again, what?

Ocelot: [Snake, surrounded by the Ocelot unit, assumes his CQC fighting stance] What is that stance? And that gun?
[the Ocelot unit all laugh at Snake]
Ocelot: [Ocelot flips out his gun and catches it with his right hand] If you're not The Boss... then die!
[Ocelot pulls the trigger, but his gun jams, then Snake proceeds to take down him and every GRU surrounding him]
Naked Snake: You ejected the first bullet by hand, didn't you? I see what you were trying to do, but testing a technique you've only heard about in the middle of battle wasn't very smart. You were asking to have your gun jam on you. Besides, I don't think you're cut out for an automatic in the first place; you tend to twist your elbow a little to absorb the recoil. That's more of a revolver technique.
Ocelot: [pulls out a knife] You... filthy American dog!
[attacks Snake, but Snake easily takes him down]
Naked Snake: But, that was some fancy shooting. You're pretty good.
Ocelot: Pretty good...
[passes out]

[first lines]
Naked Snake: After the end of World War II, the world was split into two - East and West. This marked the beginning of the era called the Cold War.

Major Zero: I don't want to call President Kennedy a liar, but I simply cannot imagine that in six years' time, man will have reached the moon.
Naked Snake: I don't know, I never thought we would make it into space.

EVA: OK, your Raikov disguise is complete. Now they won't stop you no matter what you do.
Naked Snake: Even if I punch someone in the face?
EVA: Right.
Naked Snake: Really?
EVA: Really.
Naked Snake: Why?
EVA: Raikov's just that kind of guy.

Naked Snake: Home in time for dinner.
Major Zero: But if you fail you'll be eating breakfeast, lunch, and all the rest of your meals in the jungle.

Naked Snake: I'm glad I'm not as strange as the Major.
Para-Medic: The Major's not strange...
Major Zero: [in background] My tea's gone! Who's drunk it? How am I supposed to have teatime without tea?
Para-Medic: Well, not *that* strange...
Major Zero: [in background] My scone's gone too!

The Boss: [hands Snake the Philosopher's Legacy, as she lays dying] Take this... keep it safe. It's our only hope.
[hands snake her Patriot machine gun]
Naked Snake: A Patriot? Why are you giving me this?
The Boss: Jack... or should I say Snake... you're a wonderful man. Kill me now. There's only room for one snake and one boss.

Sigint: [regarding the Soviet camo] Looks like Soviet guards will hesitate to attack you from behind with this on.
Naked Snake: You mean it has advantages, other than being stylish?