Soccer Dog: European Cup

Directed by Sandy Tung (??), written by John E. Deaver who may or may not be a gynecologist in Richmond NY and starring Cockney geezer Nick Moran, what could be described as a steaming turd of a movie is in fact a brilliant spoof.

American kid goes to Scotland, befriends a stray mongrel and together they transform the fortunes of a local football team. Probably the greatest film commenting on the state of Scottish football that has ever been written.

I mean how can anyone take this film seriously. Take Nick Moran for example. Two reasons why he shouldn't have appeared in this film. 1)His Scottish accent is laughably poor and 2)He has the football skills that only an American could be impressed with.

Then there's the blatant stereotyping of Scots as haggis eating, kilt wearing, long haired, rotting teethed crap footballers. Now I've met a few Scots in my time and I can safely say that not all of them wear kilts.

Of course any film about Scotland worth it's salt needs to have some sort of battle against the English. So enter the Auld enemy on an open top double decker Routemaster bus that has driven all the way from London which is no doubt just 20 miles away in the eyes of your average American. And what would you call an English football team if you were an American director trying to provoke a reaction from English football fans with no sense of humour too? The London Bangers - Genius! Watch this film and enjoy. Laugh at the special effects of the dog dribbling the ball and cheer as Nick Moran makes a Christiano Ronaldo stepover look like he's hurdling a six foot fence.

Superb.

All involved should be ashamed. This film is poorly made, badly executed and can only perpetuate the belief that Americans are ignorant of anywhere outside the US.

Tip to Hollywood: when basing a film outside the US, use local actors and try and actually visit and film in the place; that way there is a possibility that you will never recreate a film as poor and woefully inaccurate as this.

A dreadful experience.

Oh dear.

Terrible.

This movie is a total disgrace the research must have been zero as it is full of terrible mistakes and is clearly filmed in the USA by someone who does not even know what Scotland looks like

As a scot it made me extremely angry as to how we were portrayed in this bargain bin rubbish

The accents are terrible, They didn't even bother to put UK number plates on the cars in the film whilst I accept the film is a light hearted kids movie, they should realise we are not all kilt wearing long haired Mel Gibson look a likes Time for the director and producers of this junk to spend a little time on research

I have never seen a more stereotypical movie towards Scottish people in my life.

Firstly the "attempted" accents put on by the cast members is atrocious. Why make a movie set in Scotland and not have a single Scottish actor? Why is everyone wearing kilts? No one in Scotland wears kilts! unless at weddings etc NOT TO FOOTBALL GAMES!! And also there isn't a guy going around selling haggis... we do eat normal food BTW!! And even at that the HAGGIS! What the woman was eating looked nothing like haggis.. more like some kind of mashed potato goop. I think the director should try to know a little about something before involving it in the movie, instead of just assuming what a typical Scottish person looks or sounds like or the food they eat.

Finally I am confused to the name of the movie.. Why is it European Cup? Europe is a big place... would it not make more sense to call it Scottish? And cup? I didn't see any cup. I saw a poorly constructed game of football with a referee very biased towards the "good guys" ( i mean did you not see the guy head butt the other one? a sure red card and 5 match ban no? or do you Americans play the game differently?).

I'm not even going to start on the dog.

This is a masterpiece of creativity.

They have managed to conjure up a whole movie about a Scottish football team and their talented, genetically modified, canine number 10, without even a rudimentary knowledge of any of those things.

So charming is the film that I'm sure that even the most hard-hearted Scotch people would forgive the odd inaccuracy in the portrayal of Scotch dialect, accent, climate, cuisine, history. Let's be honest, can anyone really differentiate between the Australian, Irish, Bristolian and Scotch accents?

And I'm sure many a tourist must have mistaken the highlands for parts of California, with it's baking sunshine and slim, tanned residents.

I've heard some people question the plausibility of how one charity, grudge map can result in the European cup going to a small village football team. But people forget that this has already happened when the great AC Milan team of 93/94 was forced to give the champion's league trophy to Paul Gasgcoine's uncle, when he beat half the team at arm wrestling in a Yugoslavian dive bar.

Any questions about Nick Moran's acting should be directed to Guy Ritchie, who's strict Shakespearian training will leave a mark on actors long after they have finished working with him. The 6 years between Lock Stock and Soccer Dog, were merely the blink of an eye.

It's a truly wonderful piece of cinema. And the dog is hot