Feeders 2: Slay Bells

The first thing I had to do after watching this was to re-rate Beerfest. I had to up its rating to make room for this, the absolute worst movie I have ever seen. To be completely honest, my first reaction after watching this was to immediately take it outside, run over it with my car, put it through the chipper, and burn the chips. However, I paused long enough to realize that this film and the companion Feeders on the same DVD would quite possible serve a purpose that was in the National Interest.

I contacted the CIA and told them that they could stop worrying about water-boarding and all those other torture methods that were getting them in trouble. I had the perfect solution to their problems. They just needed to get this film to Guantanamo and all their secret locations. I am certain that their prisoners would be screaming to talk after watching it just twice. I am waiting to hear back before I destroy it.

The "aliens" in this film are the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. They look like they are made of papier-mâché, and their arms and legs are like stick people. The dialog is painful and there is no acting at all. But, the worst offense of all -

Santa with a plastic ray-gun!

Bah Humbug!

Inferior to the first offering but still a moderately entertaining SOV flick while its on. The deaths aren't as funny (though I doubt anything could top the originals iconic hospital scene), the aliens don't seem to do as much in general, and there are too many dragged-out scenes where we are shown a whole bunch of nothing. But just when you think the movie's about to derail into complete boredom, it always redeems itself with a nice alien shot, some amusing acting and dialogue, or some other entertaining stupidity.

The pint-sized aliens essentially have sticks for appendages, and their hands are stubs, yet somehow they are still able to twist doorknobs and drag a full-grown man across the floor. As with the first movie, the growling sound does start to get a bit grating after the 100th time it's used.

All the SOV staples are still there: horrible acting, horrible dialogue, horrible CGI, horrible gore, paper mache creature FX and random flatulence. The entertainment is also still there, it's just not on the level of the first. So, in short, decent but disappointing.

I had the priviledge of seeing this film at a local film festival in Cincinatti. This film is like no other on Earth. It is completely breathtaking in its utter awe and beauty.

When you see the little aliens for the first time, you will be amazed by the magnificent special effects. I have heard rumors that $150,000,000 went into designing the aliens alone.

The acting is nothing short of supreme. Breathtaking performances define this film. You will be moved to tears by the hilarious comedy scenes and the horrible tragedies the characters face. Truly, this is acting worthy of Shakespeare himself.

Then there is the musical score. Your ears will jump with joy when you hear the music. The sound is absolutely Oscar-worthy.

There's no other way to put it. Feeders 2: Slay Bells is sure to be remembered as one of the finest films of the 20th century.

Now, I never saw the original- aside from the flashback segment that rehashes footage from the original- but from what I gather, this is a D-grade, straight-to-video release that is all sorts of cheese.

Basically, a family is about to settle down for the night on Christmas Eve, when they are attacked by a bunch of small aliens who have an insatiable taste for blood.

After killing and consuming the neighbours, they start to hone in on the family, which is the family of one of the characters from the original film (or so I gather, at least).

All before they knock Santa out of the sky, as he was passing over their house.

Despite the behest of his family, the man risks his life to "save Santa".

Which is a little odd, as he is back in fighting shape as soon as he gets into the house.

Leave it to Santa to save the day...

Terrible acting aside (other than the kids, bless their souls), the aliens are hilariously bad puppets.

Actually, they are kind of cool when their limbs are being animated...but their faces are just so so bad.

If you can manage to ignore everything that sucks about this film (which is most of it, to be fair)...it does has a sort of charm to it.

Almost as if it was made by one family as a project over Christmas, or something.

I'm not goiong to lie...if you can sell yourself that lie, it's much more palatable than knowing people went through considerable effort to make this "vision" a reality.

You'd think they had no budget at all, if it weren't for the fact they are rocking some fledgling cgi graphics up in there with UFO.

All-in-all it's pretty much a bad film all-around.

But worth a watch if you are looking for some pure 90's straight-to-vhs Christmas horror cheese.

2 out of 10.

Holy... They made this one even cheaper than the first! I'm not kidding here. This time the barely mobile aliens look like papier mache over lightbulbs! The acting is just as bad, the story just as lame. Worst part: there are flashbacks from feeders! Thanks to Mike, Kevin and Bill this is watchable. Still utterly horrible, but still funny as hell thanks to rifftrax.