Alun Armstrong credited as playing...
St Peter
- Damian Cunningham: Is it still all right, if it's robbed? Can you still do good with it or should you give it back? I thought it was a miracle, but it is just robbed.
- St Peter: Damian. Listen. One day I was with you know who, Jesus. And he went up into the mountains, and thousands of people followed him. The police said five thousand, five thousand.
- Damian Cunningham: Everybody knows this story. Loaves and fishes.
- St Peter: See, I knew you'd say that. That's what everybody says.
- [Sees Damian's key]
- St Peter: This yours?
- Damian Cunningham: It's the key to the old house.
- St Peter: Jointed pin tumbler. Engineering perfection. Anyway, this kid comes up to us, about your size, His name was... no, I have forgotten. I still see him sometimes. Anyway, he comes up with these loaves and fishes. Sardines. And Jesus blesses them and passes the plate round. Now the first person he passes it to, passes it on. He doesn't take anything. He just passes it on. Do you know why? Because he had a piece of lamb hidden in his pocket. And as he's passing the fish, he sneaks a bit of meat out and pretends he's taken it off the plate. Do you see what I'm saying? And the next person, exactly the same story. Every single bastard one of them has their own food! And every one of them is keeping it quiet. Looking after number one. But as that plate went round with the sardines on, they all got their own food out and started to share. And then, that plate went all the way round and back to Jesus, and it'd still got the fish and the loaves on it. I think Jesus was a bit taken aback. He says, "What happened?" And I just said, "Miracle". And at first I thought I fooled him. But now I see it was a miracle, one of his best. But this little kid had stood up and... Everybody there just got bigger. Do you understand what I'm talking about?
- Damian Cunningham: Not really.
- St Peter: I'm talking about you.
- Damian Cunningham: Now I'm really lost.
- St Peter: You're trying too hard. That kid, he wasn't planning on doing a miracle. He wasn't planning anything, except lunch. Something that looks like a miracle turns out to be dead simple.