Laura Linney: Joan Berkman

The Squid and the Whale

Joan Berkman

Bernard Berkman: How do you know they were both Frank's?
Ms. Lemon: Well, I suppose it's possible other kids are masturbating and spreading their semen around the school as well... It's possible, but, uh, somewhat unlikely.
Bernard Berkman: Oh, it happens, I'm sure, much more than we know.
Joan Berkman: Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?
Bernard Berkman: I'm not going to answer that.

Bernard Berkman: Joan, let me ask you something. All that work I did at the end of our marriage, making dinners, cleaning up, being more attentive. It never was going to make a difference, was it? You were leaving no matter what...
Joan Berkman: You never made a dinner.
Bernard Berkman: I made burgers that time you had pneumonia.

Joan Berkman: You're living with a twenty-year-old.
Bernard Berkman: It's none of your business, Joan.
Joan Berkman: It's my business when you have our kids! It's confusing for them. Frank says Walt's in love with her.
Bernard Berkman: Walt has a girlfriend. Fuck off, Joan. I don't ask about you and Ivan. Stay out of my life. I can't believe you'd talk to me like this. You left all those fucking ticket stubs and letters lying around! You wanted me to know. It was fucking torture, Joan! FUCKING TORTURE!

Bernard Berkman: [Waiting to be taken away in an ambulance after having a heart attack] Degolas.
Joan Berkman: What?
Bernard Berkman: It means "bitch." Don't you remember?
Joan Berkman: You're calling me a bitch?
Bernard Berkman: No, don't you remember the last line of Godard's "A Bout De Souffle"? Belmondo calls Seberg a bitch. "Degolas." We saw it at the Thalia with the Dicksteins. I got you in for the children's price. You were pregnant with Walt.
Joan Berkman: Like six weeks.
Bernard Berkman: I still got you in for a children's ticket. You told me you didn't like Godard. You thought the jump-cuts were -
[He is loaded into the ambulance]
Bernard Berkman: I'd check for the cat behind the ashcans, under the Golodners' stoop!
Joan Berkman: OK.

Joan Berkman: I'd appreciate it if you didn't... tell him about things like Richard.
Bernard Berkman: My father told me you called him.
Joan Berkman: I did, yeah.
Bernard Berkman: He said you, uh... he said you were upset.
Joan Berkman: Yeah. I wanted to... I like him. You know that. I just wanted to say - I don't know. I just wanted to say hello.
Bernard Berkman: He called me right after. He said, "Bernie, I think you can save your marriage." I told him... I didn't think there was anything else I could do. I did try everything.
[Walks away]
Joan Berkman: Bye, Bernard.

Joan Berkman: You're early.
Bernard Berkman: Hi, Joan.
Joan Berkman: Don't feed him the generic stuff.
Bernard Berkman: What?
Joan Berkman: Frank says you're feeding the cat generic food. Get Purina, it's what he likes.
Bernard Berkman: It's the same damn thing, Joan.
Joan Berkman: OK. It's not, but...
Bernard Berkman: He's my cat, too. Remember when he got stuck in the wall in New Hampshire and I rescued him? I know how to handle him.
Joan Berkman: It was a radiator.
Bernard Berkman: What?
Joan Berkman: He got stuck in a radiator. You trimmed your beard.
Bernard Berkman: Yeah, it was starting to get a little feral. You look well.
Joan Berkman: Yeah? Thanks.
Bernard Berkman: Things are good here. Teaching is going well. And I'm playing the best tennis of my life. Maybe that's an illusion, but... it feels that way.

Bernard Berkman: Your mum and I, we're going to separate. I've got you tuesday, wednesday and every other thursday.
Walt Berkman: And what about the cat?
Joan Berkman: The cat!
Bernard Berkman: We didn't discuss the cat.