Amber Tamblyn credited as playing...
Joan Girardi
- God: Good is relative. Beauty's relative. Everything's relative. Except for me. I'm absolute.
- Joan: I thought that was vodka.
- God: [about a book] Have you read this?
- Joan: You stole that!
- God: Well, technically everything belongs to me.
- Adam: Maybe I'm bad at stuff like this... but we kissed. It's not like I've kissed a lot of girls. Maybe I've only kissed one.
- Joan Girardi: Right.
- Adam: Well maybe it meant something to me.
- Joan Girardi: Maybe it meant something to me, too.
- Adam: I don't... I don't know what to do with it now.
- Joan Girardi: [chuckles] Me neither.
- Adam: Maybe it's like that anti-drug guy said, you know? Romantic love is like a mental illness. It just happens and then what are you gonna do?
- Joan Girardi: Maybe we're just not ready.
- Adam: Okay. I accept that. Were you ready for that other guy?
- [Referencing God, whom Joan was dancing with at the party]
- Joan Girardi: That's different.
- [after a long pause]
- Joan Girardi: Hey, wanna dance?
- Pizza Delivery God: What, no tip? I got it here under thirty minutes.
- Joan: Like that's hard for you.
- [she closes the door on him]
- Joan: Does my hair look funny?
- Grace Polk: Your hair always looks funny.
- [laughs]
- Grace Polk: Sometimes it just pops into my head and I just laugh.
- [Joan, Adam, and Grace are studying]
- Joan: What should we do first?
- Grace: Ask your brother for the answers.
- Joan: To be humble you have to be proud.
- Adam: Wait, arent those opposites?
- Grace: Ah, ask him ask him.
- [Luke just walked in]
- Joan: No, no lets just break it down ok. Is there a chemical formula for twigs?
- Adam: Uh
- [from the top of is head]
- Adam: Cellulose is c6h12o6
- [Joan drops her pencil in shock]
- Adam: Uh, I have an eidetic memory.
- Joan: Whats that?
- Luke: Photographic.
- Grace: [talking about Adam] He can barely remember his name.
- Adam: Listen, I know a lot, I just cant put it all together.
- Joan: Ok, what about a chemical equation for fire?
- Grace: Wood doesnt actually burn.
- Joan: Thats insane.
- Grace: What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification, through oxidation reduction, then combustion.
- Luke: It is so hot that you know that.
- Adam: [to Grace] Dude, are you smart?
- Grace: Just because I refute the whole formal schooling equals knowledge crap doesnt mean Im stupid.
- Adam: Nice.
- Joan: Ok, so what about gas.
- [Joan looks at Adam]
- Adam: Cha, like I know.
- Grace: And Rainman back to underpants.
- Joan Girardi: Judith doesn't know that many people here. She was just acting out.
- Grace: Acting out is getting your nose pierced. Nearly dying in a pool of your own vomit goes a little deeper than that.
- Joan: I thought we were going with monotheism.
- Twin-Girl God: I'm impressed you know what that is.
- Joan: Why are you torturing me, And don't say I'm torturing myself.
- Twin-Girl God: Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,
- Joan: There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble.
- Twin-Girl God: People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence.
- Joan: OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time.
- [Twin-Girls combine into one]
- Joan: Very matrix.
- Twin-Girl God: Go to the doctor, you're sick.
- Joan: What are you wearing?
- Grace Polk: [sighing] A dress.
- Joan: You're... wearing... a dress?
- Grace Polk: Oh, nice smirk.
- Joan: I wasn't smirking! I was... I... had to sneeze.