Johnny Depp credited as playing...
Willy Wonka
- Willy Wonka: Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!
- Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass?
- Willy Wonka: Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- Willy Wonka: [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...
- Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
- Willy Wonka: That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
- Charlie Bucket: Yep.
- Willy Wonka: Oh really? You ever met him?
- Charlie Bucket: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
- Willy Wonka: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
- Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
- Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
- Charlie Bucket: My family.
- Willy Wonka: Ew!
- Charlie Bucket: What do you have against my family?
- Willy Wonka: It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...
- [balks]
- Willy Wonka: You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
- Charlie Bucket: Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.
- [Willy looks away]
- Charlie Bucket: If you don't believe me you should ask.
- Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...
- Charlie Bucket: You want me to go with you?
- Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
- [jumps up]
- Willy Wonka: And you know what? I brought transporta...
- [bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
- Willy Wonka: I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
- Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
- Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
- Veruca Salt: All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
- Mr. Salt: All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
- Veruca Salt: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
- Mr. Salt: [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
- Willy Wonka: Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
- Veruca Salt: Daddy!
- Willy Wonka: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
- Willy Wonka: You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
- Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.
- Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
- Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
- Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
- Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.
- Willy Wonka: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
- Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller?
- Willy Wonka: Hey, that was my idea!
- Veruca Salt: I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.
- [does a curtsy]
- Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot.
- [laughs]
- Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
- Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
- Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
- Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
- Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
- Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
- Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
- Willy Wonka: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
- Mike Teavee: Today *is* Tuesday.
- Willy Wonka: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.
- Mrs. Gloop: Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
- Willy Wonka: That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
- Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
- Willy Wonka: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
- Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka.
- Willy Wonka: Huh?
- Charlie Bucket: Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa song unless they...
- Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
- [turns to Violet]
- Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
- Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
- Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
- Charlie Bucket: So, if I go with you to the factory, I won't ever see my family again?
- Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!
- Willy Wonka: [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
- Violet Beauregarde: I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
- [pops the gum in her mouth]
- Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
- Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
- Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out.
- Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you'd better...
- Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
- Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
- Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
- Willy Wonka: That part.
- Veruca Salt: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
- [Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning blue]
- Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
- Violet Beauregarde: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
- [to Wonka; concerned]
- Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
- Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
- Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
- [continues to turn blue and starts to grow]
- Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
- Charlie Bucket: Like a blueberry!
- Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
- Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair!
- [Wonka laughs]
- Mike Teavee: You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
- Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!
- Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
- Willy Wonka: I think it's from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
- Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?