Adam Godley credited as playing...
Mr. Teavee
- Willy Wonka: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
- Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller?
- Willy Wonka: Hey, that was my idea!
- Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
- Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
- Willy Wonka: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
- Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
- Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.
- [Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
- Mr. Teavee: Son, please.
- Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"
- Mike Teavee: [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?
- Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
- Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
- Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
- Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
- Willy Wonka: What?
- Mr. Teavee: Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
- Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.
- Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
- Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
- Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
- Willy Wonka: Course I could.
- Mike Teavee: What about people?
- Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
- Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.
- Mr. Salt: I see.
- Mr. Teavee: These flashbacks happen often?
- Willy Wonka: Increasingly... today.
- Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.
- Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...
- Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
- Mr. Teavee: Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.
- Mr. Teavee: Is it just me, or does Wonka seem a few quarters short of a buck?
- Mr. Salt: I'm sorry, I don't speak American.