City Dragon

I understand that this was a comedy with martial arts action, but really, where was the good comedy and good martial arts action? I never saw it at all. I did see a ton of horrible acting and forced crappy comedy. The martial arts in the film was almost as impressive as TMNT, but without the fun of the turtles. Everything about this movie made me ashamed that I even considered watching it. I do believe that if I was given the option to watch this film again or have my first born killed in a very torturous way, I'd consider the latter. And I do love my first born very much. This movie may be one of the few films in the world that Michael Bay could do a remake of and it would turn out much better than the first. If stick figures were used to reenact all the action in the film it'd be better. The closest thing to a saving grace in this film is the rapping. That rocked the movie, but did not give it enough to make the thing worth watching.

I would never suggest this film to anyone unless you fully want your eyes to bleed and your ears to explode.

It's funny isn't it......sometimes you can watch a film from the relatively recent past yet it will look far more dated than something from the 70's and 80's(!) Such is the case with this often embarrassing effort which springs forth from a time when we were gyrating our hips in a bizarre manner to the tunes of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice.

The story concerns a well muscled dude called Ray who along with his friends seems to communicate via a curious system of (cringe inducing) rapping. Our trio are 'dawgs' though - a colloquialism ostensibly denoting their proclivity for decidedly promiscuous sexual conduct with members of the fairer sex. Anyway, after a few on screen conquests it transpires that Ray actually falls head over heels in love with one lady; Awwww - well who can scoff at such true romance eh? Unfortunately however, said sexy lass has a deranged ex who just won't let her go. Trouble inevitably ensues and Ray is forced to fight for his woman......which he does in style.

I've got to say it, the guy playing Ray, Stan Derain (although here listed as MC Kung Fu) has some pretty slick moves for sure and gets to show them off quite regularly as he beats the crap out of various scum bags throughout proceedings. Will Ray manage to overcome the odds, keep his woman and succeed in being a good father to his unborn child? Will he call a welcome cessation to his interminable rapping antics? You'll just have to watch and see. Other than that, for such an obviously low budget, I feel that the makers are to be applauded for their obvious hard work; OK so this is no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but it is never anything less than entertaining throughout, whether it be the many fights our hero gets into, his unlikely sexual shenanigans which play out almost as hilariously as the on screen antics featured in many of the old 1970's British sex comedies or else the somewhat misplaced attempts at serious drama, this is certainly never dull.

For a slice of nineties nostalgia (with some added sex and martial arts) check this out.

How amazing are the raps in this film!!! Also I found that Philthy Phil is one hell of a man, not only did he write the songs, appear, edit, produce and direct but I think he did every other job with his video camera. I swear that when they made this film they said, "hey lets go into a charity shop, buy all the clothes, plus a pink frisby. Now lets get all our mates and their mates and put them in front of my video camera. The best parts of this film are how MC Kung fu manages to get into fights with various people who just shout abuse! Every other person starts a fight with him, its hilarious. The guy in the dojo is good who's wearing a mickey mouse club t-shirt, and the way MC Kung fu raps to chat girls up has really helped me with girls, they all think I'm disabled. This film is one of the unintentionally hilarious films I've seen in my life, I don't think I've lost so much bodily fluid crying with laughter. Make more!

This film, is legendary, the DVD has 4 chapters, yet the film is about 2 hours long or something similar. If you can find it, it's well worth watching, there isn't a single moment in this film that can't be considered genius, from the cheese fest dialogue containing mostly rap, to the all the hollyoaks style issues they cover. After watching this film, i began to question real life situations with the words "What would city dragon do at a time like this?". It's filled with plot holes, and inconsistencies, the settings are like a porn film, but there's no porn in it, and yet, it's still a film i can sit down and watch with my friends and spend the whole thing laughing.

I'm shocked, really shocked, that Philthy Phil Phillips has only done 1 film. It's just plain shocking.

So I couldn't tell if this movie was a soft-core porn or just a cheesy action flick for the first 20 minutes*. There are some awesome lines about sugar and cream. Thank goodness MC Kung Fu fell in love and started wooing his woman then we could get to the heart of this movie, the dialogue. Solid Gold. All of MC Kung Fu's guy friends "rap-talk". The women don't say much unless they're getting seduced with a 1992 Camero. Hello hot car. The fight scenes are few and far between, but there are some awesome Segal-esquire moves. Well early Seagalese stuff. MC Kung Fu actually does kicks. If you like bad movies I say you should check it out.

*I actually have no idea how long this took as time ceased to exist during this film.