Are We There Yet?

It's a comedy based around a bachelor carrying two children on a road trip. The kids have an attitude. The film could be titled TRAINS, PLANES, and AUTOMOBILES but that title was already taken, And frankly I'd recommend you watch PT&A instead. ARE WE THERE YET contains numerous episodes not unlike a ROADRUNNER cartoon. But again ROADRUNNER is much better. The trouble is, the scenes and episodes in AWTY are disjointed and do not realistically lead to the next plot turning point, much less the movie's ultimate conclusion. Thus you must be willing to suspend your disbelief to a greater extent than the film justifies. There are a number of cute bits, but if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the bits. The film is so slow in overall pacing that it may qualify as the longest 5-reel movie I've ever watched. As I was squirming in my seat awaiting the exciting climax, I kept saying to myself ARE WE THERE YET? As far as I'm concerned, we still aren't.

Nick (Ice Cube) is a born "playah," who takes on a arduous task to convince divorced Suzanne (Nia Long) to go out with him. Since she's stuck working in Vancouver and misses her kids, he agrees to drive them up from Portland, but if he thinks her kids are going to let him mack on their mom without a fight, he has another thing coming.

The premise held some potential to be good but the film turned out to be average at best. The jokes are just too mean spirited to be funny and most of the funny jokes were used in the trailer. The jokes are mean spirited because the kids in the film are pretty vicious. They attack Nick because they don't want any guy getting close to their mom. They want their parents back together. I understand that the kids will hate Nick but some of the stuff they do to him is so over the top and unnecessary. I felt sorry for Ice Cube because he was pretty much killed from all the stuff that happened to him.

The acting is okay, nothing special. Ice Cube gives a good performance and he's a pretty good sport for letting all that stuff happen to him. Nia Long was just "meh", nothing special at all. She doesn't get a lot of screen time though. Aleisha Allen and Philip Bolden both give good performances as really annoying kids. The former was the worst of the two and I hope she doesn't pursue a singing career. Jay Mohr is in the movie for about ten minutes despite being mentioned in the previews.

Despite all this violence happening to Nick, the film is actually kind of dull. However, since the movie is only 90 minutes long, it isn't too much of a punishment to sit through. Brian Levant directs and he does an okay job. Usually, his family films bore and annoy me but this one is better than most of his movies. Another problem with the movie is that it's not very original. The opening scene is stolen from Home Alone and the entire film is full of clichés. As a family film, the kids should enjoy it while adults will most likely be asleep or annoyed. There were a few laughs just not enough for the film to expand its audience. Is Are we there yet? the worst movie of the year? No, out of all the films I have seen that {dis} honor would go to The Wedding Date. In the end, this is a nice rental for the kids to watch but everyone else should skip it. Rating 5/10

Yes, I hated this movie. But what can I say in my defense? It's a family film! Its core audience is the 5- 12 crowd, and let's face facts: kids will laugh at anything! That's exactly why I've never been a big fan of family films. I'm always bound to experience the predictable quotient of gags that involve vomit, farts and kicks in the groin - all of which are in this movie. Helen Keller can see the punchlines coming a mile away. Ice Cube seems thoroughly embarrassed to be a part of this movie. I'm sure he took on the project to hopefully broaden his demographic (never having done a PG film before). The kids, like most actors their age, constantly overact. Their nonstop bickering makes you feel Ice Cube's pain of having to escort them. Cube ends up getting into every implausible disaster you can possibly imagine. It would help if the gags had even a shred of credibility. Not to mention, every time something embarrassing and disastrous happens to Cube's character, the kids laugh like hyenas, making the gags mean-spirited as well as unfunny. The only moment I remember laughing is when the kids try to drive off in Cube's minivan. He chases after them and tries to climb inside through the sunroof. The kids crash into a giant statue of a lumberjack, holding an axe. The axe then falls down and nails Cube right in his groin. Another predictable gag, but after long periods of not laughing, I had to relieve myself in some fashion. And like in all these movies, there's a schmaltzy conclusion that's supposed to deliver a "message." When I left the theater, I saw this one mother who was so fed up with her bratty son that she picked him up and spanked him, yelling out obscenities. Obviously, this message of accepting kids for who they are, no matter how bratty they get, didn't sink through her head. So why do these films even bother? When you have a movie as detached from reality as "Are We There Yet?" it's hard to deliver a message to its audience that will linger with them.

The more I study film ideas, the more I'm amazed at how some ideas continue to live.

Take the notion of humorous cruelty. Were the Stooges the first to build a franchise around this? In modern times, it is the "Home Alone" franchise where we are given an excuse for accepting the cruelties because the hurter is a clever but innocent child and the hurtees are stereotypical bad guys.

Here the idea tries a new incarnation. Lest there be any mistake about the source, the movie actually starts in the "old" Home Alone mode with our (anonymous) victim encountering tripwires that trigger child-made traps of household goods and toys.

Then it shifts into the new mode. In this edition, some of the tricks are intended and some are not. The victim is a new kind of shiftless: a black man actually trying to be "ghetto." The story is supposed to smoothly morph in a sort of "What About Bob" way from pain to rewarding relationship. The turning point is also stereotypical: the treasured black dad has abandoned his family and the beleaguered suitor is revealed to be someone to whom that also happened.

I think humor about race, especially racial stereotypes, is fair game. How better to puncture racism? But its got to be funny doesn't it?

This picture turns out to be what it starts to be about: a way of torturing a black dude who manages a slick appearance of the ghetto (we're talking about the guy who calls himself Ice Cube here, not his character) and tries to put himself where he doesn't belong. Poignant maybe, but neither funny nor endearing.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

This may not be an Academy Award winning movie, but it was entertaining the whole way through. It was light hearted, funny (with some slap-stick and occasional rude humor) and moving at times. I thought it was cleaver how Nick's conscience was portrayed through a Satchel Paige bobble-head. This movie appealed to all ages. There were some surprise guest appearances, namely Nichelle Nichols (Lt. Uhura from Star Trek) and Tracy Morgan as the voice of Satchel Paige. This movie was similar in style to Christmas With The Kranks only this one was actually funny and you care about the characters. If you are looking to be entertained and fun for the whole family ...then this movie is for you.