Stephen Colbert credited as playing...
Chuck Noblet
- Jerri Blank: Faggot.
- Chuck Noblet: What did you say?
- Jerri Blank: What did you hear?
- Chuck Noblet: I'd rather not repeat it.
- Jerri Blank: Well, then, I guess we'll never know.
- Geoffrey Jellineck: You pushed me away!
- Chuck Noblet: I wasn't pushing you away, I was pulling me toward myself.
- Jerri Blank: But my daddy's in a coma!
- Chuck Noblet: Go tell the grief counselor. She's supposed to care.
- Chuck Noblet: Well, to expand the number of students involved in the science fair, I'm gonna weed out the best and the brightest to be the team to make just ONE project that will make Roger Beekman look like a fool!
- Megawatti Sacarnaput: Well that doesn't involve more students. It involves less.
- Chuck Noblet: WELL LOOK AT YOU ADDING AND SUBTRACTING! WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU! THIS ISN'T MATH, IT'S SCIENCE!
- Chuck Noblet: Look Geoffrey, I'm glad you stopped by. I'd like you to leave.
- Geoffrey Jellineck: I'm sorry, what's happening?
- Chuck Noblet: It's over.
- Geoffrey Jellineck: What are you saying, Chuck?
- Chuck Noblet: I need more out of this relationship than I'm willing to put in. I think I deserve better, don't you? Hey, I know this is hard on you. It would be hard on me, too, if I broke up with me. I know what you're losing.
- Jerri Blank: Faggot.
- Chuck Noblet: What did you say?
- Jerri Blank: What did you hear?
- Chuck Noblet: I'd rather not repeat it.
- Jerri Blank: Then I guess we'll never know.
- Chuck Noblet: Obviously he stole our idea!
- Principal Blackman: I don't see how he could've stolen it if I saw his first.
- Chuck Noblet: Guess that makes me hydrogen
- Roger Beekman: What?
- Chuck Noblet: Element number 1
- Roger Beekman: Chuck... you're boron
- [after their science fair idea has been stolen by Roger Beekman's team]
- Olivia: Maybe there's still hope.
- Chuck Noblet: Hope? You fool. Don't you know death when you see it? I'm being punished. You have no idea of the terrible things I've done. Curse God and die!
- Roger Beekman: [trying to remember Chuck Noblet's name] I have a mnemonic device... Crotch Nibblit!
- Chuck Noblet: Chuck Noblet!