Maurice LaMarche credited as playing...
Alec Baldwin
- Alec Baldwin: By following the rules of the Film Actor's Guild, the world can become a better place; that handles dangerous people with talk, and reasoning; that, is the fag way. One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say, "wow, good going, fag. You really made the world a better place, didntcha, fag?"
- [Backstage. Alec Baldwin paces the floor]
- A Page: Five minutes, Mr. Baldwin!
- Alec Baldwin: Thank you.
- [Tim Robbins and Martin Sheen rush in]
- Martin Sheen: Alec! We have a problem!
- Tim Robbins: Team America escaped!
- Alec Baldwin: WHAT? You FOOLS! They'll ruin everything!
- Helen Hunt: We'd better warn everyone; they'll be headed here!
- Alec Baldwin: No! We can't look weak and powerless! If violence is all those bastards understand, then violence they'll get! EVERY ACTOR GRAB A GUN AND KEEP TEAM AMERICA FROM REACHING THIS CEREMONY AT ALL COSTS!
- Sean Penn: K'PLA!
- Janeane Garofolo, Liv Tyler, Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney: K'PLA!
- Tim Robbins: [slowly, with determination] I swear, they won't reach this stage!