Dead Clowns

Stay away from this movie. The filmmakers don't know the first thing about creating suspense or fright. Why wouldn't you have the actors scream? They're being attacked by zombie clowns, for frick's sake! One guy wouldn't even scream as his arm was being sawed off. Maybe the actor knew how horrid the movie was right from the get-go. The pacing is ludicrously slow and plodding. No one is going to be scared by this or even find this entertaining. I love my zombie movies and was looking forward to this as the mythology of it seemed amazing. Clowns left to die under water. Very cool. But it's this script should've been left there. That would've been cooler.

I know I gave this 1 out of ten but that's only because I couldn't find the -36 on the scale.

This movie was terrible.

Now, I'm a cheesy horror fan as much as the next person, and I can certainly appreciate a good low-budget gore-fest. But this movie? Low-budget: yes. Gory? Hardly.

I have never been so utterly bored in my life waiting for something to happen. After looooooong and beyond pointless shots of stock-footage hurricanes, looooooong and beyond pointless shots of random people walking slowly around looking at things like they've never seen them before... ("wow.... I'm in my house but... this wall... it's just... fascinating... I'm going to.... stroll past it... and stare... wow..."), and some kid snorting sugar -er- cocaine, the movie finally did something interesting.

No, wait, that was just me hitting the forward search button in an effort to get to this gore I was promised. Well, I want my 30 minutes back. Terrible, terrible effects. Stupid rubber masks, bad fake blood, HORRIBLE acting (and yes, I realize with a crappy indie horror, that's to be expected, but the acting in this garbage was utterly atrocious on EVERYONE'S part except for Brinke Stevens. She was relatively convincing, especially compared to the rest of the drivel she was put up beside), bad bad bad sound, and just, GAH. It was so frickin' bad. I had to turn it off because my head was getting ready to explode from the lame crap I was seeing.

Thank the gods I did not pay for this crap. Even so, I think I am owed compensation for putting myself through even part of this. Yeah, that's right. That moron should be paying people to watch this.

And even then, I would have trouble agreeing.

I knew this movie was low budget and i wasn't expecting a masterpiece but this was still a letdown. The picture was awful, it looked so bad in parts it actually hurt my eyes. The sound was pretty bad in places too but that didn't seem to matter as the entire story was explained to the audience in the first 15 minutes. Where were the characters? I wasn't expecting a really detailed background for each character but most of them weren't even given names. One of them is known in the credits as the tormented woman. Why was she tormented? We're never told. All she did was wander around her house. The acting was passable except for when it came to the attack scenes. There was no reaction from any of the actors. They just stood and stared as if seeing a zombie clown in your kitchen is the most natural thing in the world. If the actors don't act scared or even bothered then the audience won't be either. It's a shame because i liked the story, the clowns and effects were fine and the movie does have something about it that kept me watching. If it had better actors and a bigger budget this could have been very decent but as it is i wouldn't recommend it. I've watched a lot of horror films and while this wasn't the worst in terms of plot and what happens, it's the most poorly shot film that i've ever seen.

The production of this thing looks like a local cable access show with the production budget of an 8th grade film class. There is no score, no screenplay, no lighting. It is often so dark that you can't even see who's who (not that we care). The sound is so bad that you can even hear what they are saying (again, not as if we care). The "actors" look and sound like they were pulled off the street to make a movie; "just stand there and read this!". In reality, it isn't even a movie; just really bad hurricane footage borrowed from some local cable access news show with a $100 camcorder and some people in cheesy Dollar Store clown masks. I have no idea how it even made its way onto our local cable pay-per-view line-up. Customer service actually said it was "an error in programming" and promptly credited our account the $4.00.

This is one of the worst wastes of time I've ever sat through. Having said that, there's a place for movies like this. My daughter (18 at the time) and a bunch of friends brought this over to watch. The best part of the whole experience was the cracks I and others got to make about how bad it was. If every trying to win a "who can bring the worst movie" contest....this is your blue ribbon.

Best way I described the acting: "Ok, I'm guessing the guy directing this had to offer this woman a part at 3:00 a.m. in his Dead Clowns movie to get laid that night". That's my guess on much of how the casting and acting was done.

I never write reviews or take time for this stuff....but this deserved it. I was looking up "Dead Clowns" to remind my daughter of it when I saw the new trailer to "IT" by Steven King coming out this year.