Replica

OK, by now the film-going public is aware how cluelessly untalented James Nguyen is as a writer and director. All his scripts are essentially identical, usually involving a salesman and his horny friend, a hot blonde, some pseudo science, and really bad special effects. Plus he always wields the video camera like your great aunt does at a family get-together -- tilted, hard to hear, and out of focus. His films have the same plot, the same house, the same recurring actors -- the same everything, over and over.

And yet I always watch his movies -- repeatedly. I think I've watched "Replica" as much as I have "Birdemic". Why? I actually kind of like "Replica", probably even more than it's more famous sibling "Birdemic". "Replica" is shorter and sillier, so it's more fun and not such a commitment. Turn off your brain, keep your expectations low, veg out, and chuckle every once in a while until it ends.

Lana Dykstra as the Doctor makes it worth viewing just for her alone. Her acting is hilarious. Half the time you can't even understand her. She's attractive for sure, I was genuinely surprised how great she looked in her bikini during the inevitable James Nguyen sex scene. I can't find anything more about her after she starred in this movie. I'm curious what she looks like now. But in all seriousness I have to give her props simply because she agreed to star in this movie for no money, she put up with James' nonsense, and she tried her best.

From the man behind such cult horrors as Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Birdemic 2: The Resurrection, and Julie and Jack comes his second feature, a "romantic sci-fi thriller", all used loosely since there isn't actually much romantic, science fiction or thrilling about Replica.

Computer chip salesman Joe undergoes a kidney transplant from biogeneticist Evelyn. Shame she did it though, because afterwards he begins to romance her, and by romance, I mean stalk, and not very well. Their relationship is short-lived, however. Not by his creep tendencies but by her death in a car accident (an extremely hilarious one I can't even begin to describe). With her body fresh underground, Joe "meets" actress Claudia, who happens to resemble Evelyn. Yes, this is an "homage" to Hitchcock.

As with Nguyen's other films, Replica is inept in practically every way. The acting is wooden, the script is... most likely nonexistent, the characters - or at least Joe - are unlikable (although the villain is scarfing the scenery). Keep an eye out for some surprise (and, given Nguyen's abilities, copyright infringing) celebrity appearances, as well as a very funny Nguyen-ception moment. I may give it a 1 out of 10 but the sheer incompetence of it all is a sight to behold.

Like exercising a Stock option at NCT software, this movie was worth the wait. More riveting than a sales pitch for serlr pnals or poorly simulated coitus in a bikini. Just when you think James Nguyen couldn't possibly top his previous works of genius, you find out you are right. Once again, the house from Birdemic steals the show with its riveting performance and super accessible driveway action. One major addition was the directors brother as the totally convincing and definitely not wearing his own clothes from home detective investigating a car accident. If you don't see this movie, you are better than me.

Yes, the auteur who gave us "Birdemic" and "Birdemic 2" somehow came up with enough backing to make another movie, 66 minutes of hilarious ineptitude. Quite explicitly a Hitchcock homage, with a little "The Birds" and a lot of "Vertigo," it deals with cloning, genetic engineering, and the most boring young lovers ever committed to film. They're a self-obsessed computer chip salesman and the gene-splicing surgeon who replaced his kidney; given that she looks 22 and can barely get a line out without stuttering or correcting herself, and later portrays the Kim Novak-like double (like I said, "Vertigo") with no differentiation whatever, it's not a credible romance. There's also a wildly overacting villain, an investigator who can barely speak English, familiar San Francisco locations, CGI sets that look like they cost three dollars, and James Nguyen's signature, endless shots of cars pulling into driveways, cars pulling out of driveways, cars pulling onto the road. The music's almost competent; the matron playing Evelyn's mom actually acts, and the editing is seemingly from a four-year-old with a pair of scissors. The sound drifts in and out, the overdubbing is.wretched. Let me add, I watched this on Rifftrax, with even Kevin and Mike and Bill unable to contain their laughter at Nguyen's incompetence, and I had a great time.

I might have given it a lower rating, but my goodness is this not an amazing movie. Watch it. Laugh at it. Enjoy yourself. I myself was making independent films during this time, so I can understand the struggles, frustrations, and hard work that is involved in creating something like this. I look back at this time with joy, and see others experiencing something similar to myself (Happy to know I'm not alone!)

While the story might seem to be all over the place, and the acting is hindered by bad audio (again something I know all too well), it's still a fun watch...even better clocking in under the 70 minute mark!