Leigh Francis credited as playing...
Various Characters • Avid Merrion • Craig David • Mel B • Michael Jackson • The Bear • Jimmy Carr • Kelly Osbourne • Morrissey
- Avid Merrion: Hello to you. My name is Avid Merrion. I am number one celabrity superfan here in the world. This is my programme, I hope you like it, it is warm.
- Reporter: So, David what's the latest on your transfer?
- David Beckham: It's not a transfer! It's a real tattoo and it says, "My Name is David"! Huh-huh!
- Kelly Osbourne: [on Christina Aguilera] She's one of the most disgusting people in the world! Sure, she had an amazing voice, but that doesn't change the fact she's a total
- [bleep]
- Kelly Osbourne: ! I mean she looks like a
- [bleeping]
- Kelly Osbourne: drag queen! Right dad?
- Ozzy Osbourne: You're all
- [bleeping]
- Ozzy Osbourne: mad!
- Kelly Osbourne: Not me, I'm just slightly overweight.
- Ozzy Osbourne: [mutters] Fat bitch.
- David Blaine: As a kid I would spend many hours in my bedroom jerking off to pictures of beautiful women. Now I can make actual beautiful women appear in my bedroom by using the magic. Shazam!
- Mary Jane: Do you love me?
- Peter Parker: Um...
- Mary Jane: Do you love me
- [starts to unbutton shirt]
- Peter Parker: Er...
- Mary Jane: [shows chest] Do you love *these*?
- Peter Parker: Ooh!
- Marilyn Manson: This is the living room, where I like to relax and sometimes stick my penis between my legs and pretend I'm a lady.