Elisabeth Harnois credited as playing...
Brittany
- Kimberly Joyce: So, Brittany, this is Randa. Randa's from the Middle East, but she's really sweet. She doesn't say much, though.
- Brittany Wells: Hi! I know all about the immigrant experience, how hard it can be - I'm Canadian.
- Brittany Wells: I like this music. Can you buy the soundtrack to pornos?
- Kimberly Joyce: Tiffany Minx, Stephanie Swift... You know, Brittany, a lot of these porn stars have names that sound like ours. So if we wanted to, when we grow up, we could be porn stars. You couldn't, Randa. I'm sorry.
- Randa: That is quite all right.
- Kimberly Joyce: Okay, it is time to open up my Big Bag of Fun. These are assorted items that I've stolen from Dad for our consumption this evening. Item number one, Dad's wine-flavored cigars.
- Brittany Wells: Ech, don't those things make you cough?
- Kimberly Joyce: No, they're cigars, you don't have to swallow - I mean, inhale.
- [offers one to Randa]
- Randa: No thanks.
- Kimberly Joyce: Are you sure, Randa? To become succesful actresses, you have to learn how to smoke them. It's trendy.
- Brittany Wells: That's true.
- Randa: No thank you, I do not smoke.
- Kimberly Joyce: Okay... Uh, item number two, one of my dad's many *many* pornos - Titty Lickers 2: The Search for Golden Curlies.
- Brittany Wells: Ew! Why would we wanna watch a porno?
- Kimberly Joyce: 'Cause they're funny. Besides, we have to teach Randa about sex and this is the best way to learn. And item number three - and I could get into real real trouble if I got caught with these - Dad's Twinkies.
- Brittany Wells: Eh - too fattening.
- Kimberly Joyce: Would you *please* stop criticizing everything in my Big Bag of Fun? I spent a lot of time putting this together!
- Brittany Wells: God, Kimberly, he's a poet! Everything that comes out of his mouth is like an iambic pentagram.
- Brittany Wells: Would you ever let a guy do that to you, Kimberly?
- Kimberly Joyce: I have.
- Brittany Wells: Oh, my God, who?
- Kimberly Joyce: Warren.
- Brittany Wells: Warren Prescott?
- Kimberly Joyce: Yeah, a little while ago, when we were dating he said:
- [flashback]
- Warren Prescott: Kimberly, we've been going out for a long time, and I really love you, and I think it'd be cool if you'd let me pack your fudge chute.
- Kimberly Joyce: At first I thought he was talking about making sundaes, but then he explained it to me and I was kind of into it.
- Brittany Wells: Did it hurt?
- Kimberly Joyce: Yeah, a little bit. But it didn't hurt as much with Warren as it would have with other boys, if you catch my drift.
- Randa Azzouni: What is your drift?
- Kimberly Joyce: Never mind. But a few days later, he broke up with me. He said he didn't want to date a girl who would let a guy do that to her. I mean, does that make any sense?
- Kimberly Joyce: Put it back on, I wanna watch the Real World.
- Brittany Wells: I hate the Real World. those girls are bitches.
- Kimberly Joyce: You're a bitch!
- Brittany Wells: Yeah, well you're a trollop.
- Kimberly Joyce: Fine!
- [pause]
- Kimberly Joyce: I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
- Brittany Wells: It's okay. I'm sorry I called you a trollop. I don't really even know what one is.
- Kimberly Joyce: It's a promiscuous woman, often a prostitute.
- Brittany Wells: [thoughtfully] Hm...
- Brittany Wells: [after both being cast in the play, "The Diary of Anne Frank"] Down with Nazis!
- Kimberly Joyce: Yeah, boo, Nazis!
- Brittany Wells: [mistaking the word 'pederast'] Mr. Anderson's kind of weird. Especially around girls. We think he's a podiatrist.
- Brittany Wells: Kimberly, Randa died because of this!
- Kimberly Joyce: Every war has its casualties, just ask my brother.