Billy Crystal credited as playing...
Self - Host
- Billy Crystal: I voted for 'Seabiscuit' (for Best Costume Design). That's the most realistic horse costume I've ever seen.
- Billy Crystal: It was 13 years ago when I first hosted the Academy Awards, and things sure have changed since then. George Bush was President, the economy was tanking, and we had just finished a war with Iraq. Yeah, things really have changed.
- Billy Crystal: All of the hobbits' wardrobe is now for sale at The House of DeVito, if anyone is interested.
- Billy Crystal: Good news, they found Nemo. The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.
- Billy Crystal: Now that everyone in New Zealand has been thanked, I'd like to thank everyone on Long Island.
- Billy Crystal: And there's Johnny Depp, the sexiest man alive. Did I just say that out loud? You know Johnny's nominated for playing Jack Valenti's worst nightmare - a slightly gay pirate.
- Gandalf the White: All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.
- Billy Crystal: And this from a guy in a nine-hour movie.
- Billy Crystal: Our next presenter (Charlize Theron) is nominated for her role of a hiking, serial killing prostitute. Great, just what we need.
- Billy Crystal: [reading Julia Roberts' Mind] Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm rich.
- Billy Crystal: [reading Oprah Winfrey's Mind] You wanna talk about rich honey?
- Billy Crystal: [Reading Sean Penn's Mind] This is a nice place, I don't think I've ever been thrown out of here...