Will Sasso credited as playing...
Curly
- Larry: Hey, quit horsing around, you two. You're disturbing my coffee break.
- Curly: Oh, boy, donuts! Where's mine?
- Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?
- Curly: Okay.
- [Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]
- Curly: Oh, now look what you did, Moe! You got donut stuck in my ears!
- Larry: Hey, you're in luck. They got a donut remover right here.
- Moe: What's a donut remover?
- Larry: It's one of these.
- [reads the sign on the bell]
- Larry: "Do-nut remove-uh."
- Moe: Huh. What are the odds of that?
- Head Nurse: Can't you read? Visiting hours are over.
- Curly: Even for family?
- Head Nurse: You're related?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Head Nurse: How?
- Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.
- Larry: $830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks.
- Moe: That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes.
- Curly: We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk.
- [Moe slaps Curly]
- Moe: What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print.
- Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.
- Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more. The pain increasing daily till I lapse into an irreversible coma.
- Curly: I had that. Only it was just in my feet. Yeah. It's called coma toes.
- [Curly and Larry laugh]
- Moe: [mock laughing] Oh, coma toes, huh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- [Moe stomps on Curly's foot]
- Moe: Are they awake now?
- Moe: What are you grubworms doing?
- Curly: Getting seconds on lobster.
- Moe: Seconds? I thought lobster upset your stomach.
- Curly: I dipped it in pesto-bismol.
- Moe: Oh, you like dipping, eh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Moe: Come here.
- [Moe dips Curly's head into the water, he pulls him out with a lobster attached to his face]
- Larry: Hey, look, it's Santy Claws. Claws!
- Moe: What did I tell you about puns?
- [Moe stuffs the lobster down Larry's pants]
- Larry: Hey. Who's this lady?
- Ling: That's Teddo's wife, Lydia.
- Larry: Teddy's wife?
- Ling: Yep. Oh, she's one lucky girl.
- Larry: Then who's the guy on the end?
- Ling: Oh, that's Teddo's best friend, Mac.
- Curly: Well, then who's Mr. Fancy-Pants in the top hot and scarf?
- Ling: That's a snowman.
- Larry: Yeah, but what's his name?
- Mac: [furiously - while trapped in car submerged in water] Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse?
- Moe: [passes gas, everybody groans in disgust] I'm sorry! I guess the pesto-bismol didn't help with the lobster.
- Moe: [grabs Curly by the ears and says furiously] Did you eat the shells again?
- Curly: I don't know! It was on the plate and then it wasn't!
- Curly: Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Fellas, do something!
- Larry: [nervously] Moe, Moe!
- Moe: What's the matter with y...
- [gasps]
- Curly: Call 411
- [whimpers]
- Moe: [to Larry] Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her!
- [bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]
- Moe: [to Curly] You, help out.
- [to Larry]
- Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her.
- [metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]
- Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.
- Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!
- Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating] I saved 15% on my car insurance.
- Larry: She seems fine to me.
- Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants.
- [Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]
- Moe: [groans]
- Moe: Fellas, it's too high -
- [Larry and Curly collide with Moe, nearly pushing him over the rooftop]
- Moe: Aaah!
- [Larry and Curly catch Moe by the legs and pull him back to the roof]
- Moe: Why you lamebrains!
- [Moe slaps Larry and Curly across their faces]
- Larry: Hey, look, a fire hose! We can lower ourselves down to the ground.
- Moe: The kid's right, it's foolproof! Come on.
- [the Stooges unwind the fire hose and jump down to the ground below; the hose comes off its reel and the Stooges drop to the ground, landing on Teddy]
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Aah-aah!
- [the hose's reel hits Moe on the head as Teddy gets back on his feet]
- Moe: Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going, bud?
- Teddy: I'm sorry, 100 percent my fault. Sometimes I just get lost in my own head and I - Moe? Larry, Curly, is that you?
- Moe: Depends who's asking.
- Teddy: It's me, Teddo J. Harter.
- Moe: Who?
- Teddy: Teddy, from the orphanage, Teddy. You remember, Moe, I went home with your parents.
- Moe: What're you trying to pull? The Teddy we knew was this tall and he only had one shoe.
- Larry: Yeah, and he didn't sound like you.
- Teddy: Here- here, look, I got a snapshot of me and the 'rents leaving the orphanage.
- [the photo shows Teddy being adopted by his new parents and Moe being taken back by the nuns]
- Larry: Hey, it is you.
- [Larry looks at Teddy's photo]
- Larry: I was wondering, how are Moe's folks doing? They seem like good eggs.
- Teddy: Yeah, well Dad's doing great, I work with him at the law firm downtown; but Mother, she passed on several years ago, hunting accident.
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Oh, sure, yeah.
- Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you.
- [the Stooges recoil at the mention of "poke", being unaware that it's a different kind of "poke"]
- Teddy: Better yet, I'll tweet you.
- Curly: Oh, tweet us to dinner? Soitanly!
- Mac: Ohh!
- Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.
- Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more, pain increasing daily until I lapse into an irreversible coma.
- Curly: I had that, only it was just in my feet, yeah. It's called coma-toes.
- [Larry and Curly laugh]
- Moe: [Moe laughs sarcastically] Oh, coma-toes, huh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Curly: [Moe stomps on Curly's toes] Ohh!
- Moe: Are they awake now?
- [Curly growls]
- Mac: Gentlemen.
- [the Stooges look behind them, unaware that Mac is referring to them]
- Mac: [losing patience] Gentlemen!
- Curly, Moe, Larry: Oh.
- Mac: I'm sure you can understand why I... prefer to leave this world on my own terms, rather than spend the rest of my life a vegetable.
- Moe: I don't know, it sounds illegal.
- Larry: Wait a minute, legs. Did you say $830,000 bucks?
- Lydia: I did.
- Larry: [Larry whistles Whew] That's a good day's pay.
- Curly: Hey, wait a minute, fellas. That's exactly the amount of money we' re looking for.
- Moe: You're right. This must be fate, time-bomb. You can count us in!
- Mac: [the Stooges shake Mac's hand] Ah, that's swell.