Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino credited as playing...
The Situation
- Ronnie: What are you, crazy? That's assault!
- Moe: Heres your pepper. Shut up.
- [Moe slaps him]
- The Situation: My man!
- Ronnie: Who asked ya, muscle-head?
- [Moe pokes him in the head]
- JWoww: Moe! You can't just go around hitting people.
- Moe: No? Well, can I do this?
- [Moe plucks out her nose hair]
- Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.
- [Foster the People's "Waste" plays throughout the montage; Larry and Curly watch Moe on "Jersey Shore" on a TV in an electronics store window]
- Moe: [on "Jersey Shore"] Is that what you think? Shut up!
- [Moe slaps Ronnie]
- The Situation: Hey, yo!
- [Moe slaps The Situation]
- Moe: You, too! Here's another one!
- [Moe slaps Ronnie]
- Moe: [Moe sits down next to Snooki, who is reading a book] Hiya, Snook, I got you a present.
- Snooki: Really? For me?
- Moe: Yeah, go on, open it.
- Snooki: [Snooki opens the box, and then Moe delivers a finger poke to her eyes when she discovers the box is empty] Ow!
- Moe: [Moe laughs, with Curly and Larry chuckling at Moe's antics; the scene changes to Larry and Curly sleeping in a dumpster, with Curly dreaming about dancing around in a field of bubbles with Moe and Larry; the scene shifts back to Moe on the set of "Jersey Shore"] Why, you...!
- Moe: [Moe slaps the side of Ronnie's face and his forehead, then he slaps The Situation's face] There you go!
- Moe: [the "Jersey Shore" producers watch with delight, as Larry and Curly laugh at Moe's antics; Moe waves his hand up and down in front of JWoww's face] Why, you...
- [Moe lowers his hand to the table, and quickly waves his hand up and down in JWoww's face, making a rhythmic bonking sound; Larry and Curly continue to watch Moe]
- Moe: [Moe holds his fist in front of Ronnie; he hits Moe's fist, which curves upward and hits Ronnie on the head] You see that?
- The Situation: [Ronnie tries to imitate Moe, only for Moe to knock Ronnie's fist back into his own face] You see that?
- Moe: [Moe breaks a pool cue stick on The Situation] Business!
- The Situation: Oh!
- JWoww: [Moe laughs while he holds a hot curling iron on JWoww's tongue] Umph! Umph!
- Moe: [Moe hits The Situation on the nose, then slaps him on the chin] Why, you...!
- Moe: [Larry and Curly continue laughing at Moe's antics as Moe breaks a microwave oven over Ronnie's head, and sets the timer; Ronnie's eyes bulge out of their sockets as the electricity flows] Why, you...!
- Sammi: Now look: either you kick Moe off the show, or we're suing him!
- Snooki: Like, with a lawyer!
- Moe's Hip Executive: Court sounds okay to me.
- Moe's Hip Executive: [to his assistant] You know, we could probably do a cross-promotion with Lockup.
- Snooki: Great, just great. So basically, what you're saying is this whole show is about the ratings?
- Moe's Hip Executive: Uh, yeah.
- Ronnie, The Situation: Ohhh!
- [Ronnie, The Situation and the other cast members groan in annoyance]
- Sammi: Unbelievable.
- Moe: [pointing to Snooki's "Guinness" hat] Look, just 'cause she's wearing a "genius" hat, doesn't mean she is one.
- Ronnie: How's that Whynatte?
- The Situation: This is, like, my fourth or fifth.
- Sammi: What happened last night?
- The Situation: What kind of flavor? I like coffee, too.
- Moe: Hey, I'm heading out to 7-Eleven, anyone up for some gummy worms?
- JWoww: Yeah, maybe if they were soaked in vodka. By the way, why are you even on our show? You look like a stretched-out meatball.
- The Situation: [laughter] Did not Moe tell you that he's using our little program as a launching pad to make a lot of paper to save homeless orphan babies?
- Ronnie: Good luck, this guy can't even buy the right kind of grated cheese. I asked for Romano, not Parmesan, you mook.
- Moe: Oh, you don't like that cheese.
- Ronnie: No.
- Moe: Well, let's see what we can do about that.
- [Moe picks up the cheese grater]
- Ronnie: What are you doing?
- Teddy: [watching "Jersey Shore" from his bedroom with Lydia] Oh boy, here we go.
- Moe: [Moe rubs the cheese grater on Ronnie's foot] How about some aged cheddar, tough guy? Come on!
- Ronnie: Ow! What, are you crazy? That's assault!
- Moe: Here's your pepper. Shut up!
- [Moe slaps Ronnie]
- The Situation: My man!
- Moe: Who asked you, muscle-head!
- [Moe quickly finger-pokes The Situation's eyes]
- Sammi: Moe, you just can't go around hitting people!
- Moe: Oh, no? Well, can I do this?
- [Moe plucks Sammi's nasal hairs out of her nostril]
- Sammi: Hmm, rare bouquet.
- JWoww: Are you kidding me? Who does this?
- Ronnie: How's that Whynatte?
- The Situation: This is, like, my fourth or fifth.
- Sammi: What happened last night?
- The Situation: What kind of flavor? I like coffee, too.
- Moe: Hey, I'm heading out to 7-Eleven, anyone up for some gummy worms?
- JWoww: Yeah, maybe if they were soaked in vodka. By the way, why are you even on our show? You look like a stretched-out meatball.
- [laughter]
- The Situation: Did not Moe tell you that he's using our little program as a launching pad to make a lot of paper to save homeless orphan babies?
- Ronnie: Good luck, this guy can't even buy the right kind of grated cheese. I asked for Romano, not Parmesan, you mook.
- Moe: Oh, you don't like that cheese.
- Ronnie: No.
- Moe: Well, let's see what we can do about that.
- [Moe picks up the cheese grater]
- Ronnie: What are you doing?
- Teddy: [watching "Jersey Shore" from his bedroom with Lydia] Oh boy, here we go.
- Moe: [Moe rubs the cheese grater on Ronnie's foot] How about some aged cheddar, tough guy? Come on!
- Ronnie: Ow! What, are you crazy? That's assault!
- Moe: Here's your pepper, shut up!
- [Moe slaps Ronnie]
- The Situation: My man!
- Moe: [Moe finger-pokes The Situation in the eyes] Who asked you, muscle-head!
- Sammi: Moe, you just can't go around hitting people!
- Moe: Oh, no? Well, can I do this?
- [Moe plucks Sammi's nasal hairs out of her nostril]
- Sammi: Ow!
- Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.
- JWoww: Are you kidding me? Who does this?