Jess Harnell credited as playing...
Captain Hero • Jun-Jee • Octopussoir • Police Officer • Hot Topic Manager • Announcer • Asian Man • Asian Tea Man • Bar Man #2 • Bartender • Bill Cosby • Bizarro Captain Hero • Boba Fett • Buff Guy • Cap'n Crunch • Chickens • Chipmunk • Construction Worker • Dad • Demonic Doll • Dig'em Frog • Director • Driver's Ed • Elders • Eskimo • Fat Albert • Fernando • General Mills • Gravedigger • Guard • Hebrew • Herb • Hindu Father • Hindu Pizza Man • Homeless Man • Hulk • Judge • KFCC Agent • Kevin • King of Insurance • Lord Slashstab • Malcolm Exposition • Male Transformer • Mall Security Guard • Marvin the Martian • Megatron • Mentally Challenged Spanky • Mexican Check Man • Mexican Police Officer • Mexican Rat • Mickey Mouse • Mushy Mouth • NAAYP Awards Announcer • Nesquik Bunny • Old Police Officer • Past Captain Hero • Phat Allen • Postpubescent Frankie Muniz • Quackers the Duck • Rabbi • Racist Walrus • SWAT Officer • Scooby-Doo • Senator Sith Lord • Señor Eskimo Goldberg • Soldier #1 • TV Announcer • The Terminator • Tony the Tiger • Transformer • Wienermobile Man • Young Reporter
- Captain Hero: I could stick and stir any one of these broads, but I really wish we had one of those sexy Black chicks.
- Foxxy Love: [Opens door] Bling bling! Foxxy Love is in the house!
- Captain Hero: Damn, I am good! I wish we had a 12-year-old girl and a donkey!
- [camera shifts from the door to Captain Hero several times; nothing happens]
- Captain Hero: Damn.
- Captain Hero: Hey, pig! Great news!
- Wooldoor Sockbat: Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol!
- Captain Hero: Are you defecating into a cantalope?
- Spanky Ham: [farts] Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze.
- Princess Clara: What is this thing in my mouth? / It's slippery and it's slimy / Travelling down my slender virgin pink esophagus. / Some Black chick's tongue. / It's such a new sensation.
- Foxxy Love: I got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole / And we've only just begun...
- Princess Clara: It's really quite thrilling...
- Foxxy Love: It's right. Now you know...
- Princess Clara: I can taste a filling...
- Foxxy Love: And it's solid gold...
- Princess Clara: I never dreamed I would be so willing / To let myself go.
- Foxxy Love: Tell me about it! / I'm totally frenching a racist ho!
- Princess Clara, Foxxy Love: This Black chick's tongue.
- Princess Clara: What a wonderful feeling.
- Foxxy Love: Damn, where'd this bitch get her earrings?
- Princess Clara: I've never had so much fun.
- Princess Clara, Foxxy Love: As with this Black chick's tongue.
- Captain Hero: How cool is this? / We've only been here a day / And I already find myself in a 3-way!
- Princess Clara: [about her octopussoir] Oh, please, please don't tell anybody. I'm afraid that I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear!
- Foxxy Love: I pinky swear.
- Toot Braunstein: [They look at Toot] FINE! I pinky swear.
- [Clara's octopussoir also pinky swears]
- Captain Hero: [knocks on door] Clara, Toot told us that you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a meeting about it.
- Princess Clara: How is that even possible?
- [Foxxy and Clara stare at Toot]
- Toot Braunstein: Oopsey-Tootsey! I couldn't help myself.
- Xandir: You used to care about me!
- Captain Hero: What?
- Xandir: You used to say I was pretty!
- Captain Hero: No, I didn't!
- Xandir: You used to dress up for me!
- Captain Hero: Only that one time!
- Foxxy Love: [the housemates must vote on whether or not to keep Foxxy] You know this vote is total crap. She was totally into it! You saw us tongue-bangin'!
- Captain Hero: Sorry, Foxxy, but if I vote you out now, I'll be one step closer to the million dollars!
- Foxxy Love: Million dollars? You know this ain't one of them kinda shows right? Ain't no prizes!
- Captain Hero: [aside in the confessional] Ah, silly Foxxy. She'll never win the million dollars with *that* kind of attitude!
- Toot Braunstein: Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I...
- Captain Hero: Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone!
- Toot Braunstein: I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor!
- Captain Hero: [in a girlish voice] I said I'm on the phone!
- Captain Hero: [playing Spin-the-Bottle with Spanky Ham and Wooldoor Sockbat] Hey! If you're gonna be gay about this, you can't play!
- Captain Hero: Don't make me kick your ass!
- Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your cock!
- Captain Hero: Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!
- Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your cock!