Cameron Diaz credited as playing...
Maggie
- Maggie Feller: I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me... is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate... for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful... you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root... and the bud of the bud... and the sky of the sky of a tree called life... which grows higher than the soul can hope... or mind can hide. It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.
- Maggie Feller: The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem... f... filled... with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you... the joking voice, a gesture I love... I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like... Write it!... like disaster.
- Rose Feller: I don't know what's wrong with your girls. My Marcia never uses the word vagina!
- Maggie Feller: My Marcia doesn't even have a vagina!
- Rose Feller: Oh, My Marcia has a vagina alright, but My Marcia's vagina is made of solid 24 karat gold!
- Maggie Feller: My Marcia's vagina is so perfect, it's in a museum!
- Rose Feller: Why can't I just stay mad at you?
- Maggie Feller: Because we're a pair. Like... Sonny and Cher.
- Rose Feller: They broke up.
- Maggie Feller: But they remained quite close.
- Maggie Feller: Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and passion, and getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cellphone. These are cute too.
- Rose Feller: Please tell me you just made that up.
- Maggie Feller: Look, if you're not going to wear them... don't buy them! Leave them for someone who's going to get something out of them.
- Rose Feller: I get something out of them! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit.
- [Rose has just caught her sister and her boyfriend in bed together]
- Rose Feller: I liked you... I really liked you. She won't even remember your name. Probably can't even spell it.
- [to her sister]
- Rose Feller: Can you, Maggie? Come on, sound it out. Juh-imm. Jim. Oh, she's pretty, this one... but real stupid.
- Maggie Feller: Shut up, you fat pig!
- Rose Feller: [beat] Did you honestly just say, "Fat pig"? You're my sister... and the best you can do is "fat pig"?
- [slams Maggie against the wall]
- Rose Feller: [shouts] Get out of my life!
- Ella Hirsch: Wrong dresser. It's in the sock drawer.
- Maggie Feller: What?
- Ella Hirsch: My cash. That's what you were looking for, right? That's what you want.
- Maggie Feller: No! God.
- Ella Hirsch: [sighs] Oh, well. I guess after being absent for some 20-odd years or so I can't expect you to want to have a relationship with me. How much?
- Maggie Feller: How much what?
- Ella Hirsch: Money, Maggie! How much money were you hoping to get from me?
- Maggie Feller: I don't know.
- Ella Hirsch: Yes, you do.
- Maggie Feller: I want to go to New York. Maybe... act. I think I'd be good at it.
- Ella Hirsch: Hmm, clearly. How much do you need?
- Maggie Feller: Three grand.
- Ella Hirsch: *That* you would not have found in the sock drawer. How much do you have?
- [Maggie looks away; Ella nods]
- Ella Hirsch: Well, I won't give you three thousand dollars, but I'll do this: they need help over at the Assisted Living Center. You get that job, stop loafing around here like some princess, and I will match what you earn, penny for penny.
- Maggie Feller: [stares at her, shocked] You would do that? Why?
- Ella Hirsch: Because I'm your grandmother.
- Maggie Feller: Remember Honey Bun? How long did we have him for?
- Rose Feller: A day.
- Maggie Feller: That was a good day.
- Rose Feller: What are you doing here?
- Maggie Feller: I live here. What are you doing here?
- Rose Feller: You live here? In an old folks home?
- Maggie Feller: It's a Retirement Community for Active Seniors.
- Ryan: You know, I came over here, and I was noticing you, and well, wow. You're like... cute!
- Maggie Feller: Darling, you're like twelve!
- [first lines]
- Maggie Feller: Your 10-year high school reunion. Everybody wants to make a good impression and I was making mine on Ted, Tad?, whatever...
- [last lines]
- Maggie Feller: It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.
- Maggie Feller: There's a thing called privacy, Dora.
- Mrs. Lefkowitz: [observing] This from a woman who puts a postage stamp on her bottom and calls it a swimsuit.
- [shakes her head]
- Maggie Feller: 1994 called. It wants its hair scrunchie back.
- Rose Feller: Oh.
- [as Maddie laughs]
- Rose Feller: How do the fashionable girls wear their hair these days when they pick up their drunk sisters in the middle of the night?
- [lets her eyes drift disapprovingly over Maggie]
- Rose Feller: Is that even a dress?
- Maggie Feller: Just drive.