Roger Bart credited as playing...
Carmen Ghia
- [Carmen answers the phone, a piano underscore playing]
- Carmen Ghia: Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger De Bris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling?
- [Carmen frowns and the piano abruptly stops]
- Carmen Ghia: Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't ever call here again!
- [he slams the phone down]
- Roger De Bris: Who was that?
- Carmen Ghia: Wrong number!
- Roger De Bris: Oh dear, your Mr. Bloom is staring at my gown. I should explain. I'm going to the choreographer's ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
- Carmen Ghia: We always win.
- Roger De Bris: I'm not so sure about this year. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!
- Carmen Ghia: Well, as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on, you're only half-dressed.
- Roger De Bris: Well then, why don't you go and get it, o Wicked Witch of the West?
- [pause]
- Carmen Ghia: If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... bulls-eye!
- Franz Liebkind: [while waving a gun around] You made a fool of Hitler!
- Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: [Carmen and Roger peer over the couch where they are hiding] He didn't need our help.
- Carmen Ghia: [Leo and Max have just left Franz, wearing swastika armbands and arrive at Roger's penthouse, forgetting they're wearing them. Carmen greets them at the door] May I take your hat, your coat, and your swastikas?
- Roger De Bris: This crazy Kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!
- Carmen Ghia: Oh, Roger, what alliteration!
- Roger De Bris: Thank you, darling.
- Carmen Ghia: [answering the door at Roger's house] Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?
- Max Bialystock: I...
- Carmen Ghia: ...sss!
- Roger De Bris: I am going to the choreographers' ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
- Carmen Ghia: We always win.
- Roger De Bris: I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.
- Roger De Bris, Carmen Ghia: [sung] A Happy Ending will pep up your play...
- Roger De Bris: [sung] Oedipus won't bomb...
- Carmen Ghia: [sung] If he winds up with Mom! / Keep it gay...
- Roger De Bris: [sung] Keep it gay...
- Roger De Bris, Carmen Ghia: [sung] Keep it gay!
- Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock, Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: Break a leg!
- [CRASH!]
- Max Bialystock: Franz, what happened?
- Franz Liebkind: I broke my leg!
- Carmen Ghia: [At Hitler auditions] Jason Green.
- Roger De Bris: Well Jason, what have you been up to lately?
- Jason Green: For the last 16 years, I've been touring in "No, No Nietzsche."
- Roger De Bris: You played Nietzsche?
- Jason Green: No, no.
- Roger De Bris: What are you going to sing for us?
- Jason Green: Have you ever heard the German band?
- Roger De Bris: No.
- Jason Green: That is the name of the song I am going to sing.
- Roger De Bris: Oh.
- Roger De Bris: Oh and Max darling we LOVED Funny Boy, didn't we Carmen?
- Carmen Ghia: Oh WORSHIPPED it! Uh... To be or not to be...
- Roger De Bris: You mean a lot to me!
- Roger De Bris: Show stoppah!
- Carmen Ghia: FABULOUS!
- Max Bialystock: ...Right.
- Carmen Ghia: May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?
- Max Bialystock: Oh, these?
- [Max and Leo take off their Swastika armbands and hand them to Carmen]
- Max Bialystock: [laughs nervously] We just came from this big rally. Everyone was wearing one!