Sid Haig: Captain Spaulding

The Devil's Rejects

Captain Spaulding

Captain J.T. Spaulding: What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns?
Jamie: [shakes his head, crying] No...
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Why? Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we fuckin' funny? You best come up with an answer, cos I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your momma and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole fucking family.
Jamie: [continues crying] Please...
Captain J.T. Spaulding: All right, now get your fuckin' ass out the car. Go on. Yayayayayaya!
[Spaulding starts laughing]

Captain J.T. Spaulding: [to Sheriff Wydell] If you're gonna start the killing, you best start it right here. Make sure I'm all the way dead, because I'll come back and make you my bitch!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.
[mutual laughter]
Susan: What's that about clown business?
[laughs nervously]
Captain J.T. Spaulding: [pause] Do I stutter, bitch?

Baby: Just in case anyone's interested, I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles.
Otis: [in a mocking tone] "I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles."
Baby: Don't you fucking imitate me, it's fucking rude!
[mocking]
Baby: "I know what I know and I know I don't like that nut sack... "
Otis: Fuck you.
Baby: Fuck you!
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Two fucking seconds for the kid, is that gonna kill you?
Otis: Yes, it is going to kill me! I have calculated the time, and two seconds is the exact amount of time that is a hazard to my fucking health.
Baby: What the fuck is your problem? I'm in and out in two seconds!
Captain J.T. Spaulding: You know? I think I'm gonna get me some tutti fucking fruity.
Baby: Tutti fucking fruity, that sounds good!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: Where the hell you goin'? Damn it. Don't you NEVER turn your back on a fuckin' clown when he's talkin' to you!

Baby: [after Charlie Altamont pulls out a gun] What the fuck is this shit?
Otis B. Driftwood: You bring us all the way out here and this prick pulls a gun on us? Nice fuckin' plan, daisy!
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Just do it! He's a crazy, pig-fuckin'...
Charlie Altamont: What you call me?
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Well if you'd give me a chance, I was gonna call you a crazy, pig-fuckin', dumbass, pussy piece of shit!

Sheriff John Wydell: [walks into a room where the "rejects" are tied to the chairs] You know I got to thank you all... *sniffs*... for helping me understand what my heritage is. You see the Wydells, they always been vigilante justice. Now my grand-daddy, he rode with the likes of Tom Horn killin' scum like you for a livin'. We've always been devil slayers
[kicks Otis]
Sheriff John Wydell: WAKE UP! See, I tried to walk the line but now I realize there is no line. Now we here, we are playin' on a level that most will never see. I know my brother George he didn't see it.
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Maybe he had a divine moment when his brains hit the floor.
Sheriff John Wydell: Yeah well, maybe you will too.