Bob Sapp credited as playing...
Switowski
- Switowski: He broke-ded my nose
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Let me try to fix that.
- [Crewe fixes his nose]
- Switowski: How do I look?
- Caretaker: Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.
- Switowski: I love little Michael.
- Switowski: Will you teach me to football?
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Sure, I'll teach you to football.
- Caretaker: I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.
- Guard Dunham: [after breaking off a long run, storms up to Megget] That's how a white man runs the football!
- Earl Megget: Man, you lucky I ain't on defense. I'd crack you in that egg-ass head of yours!
- Guard Dunham: Yeah, but you ain't on defense. Are ya, bitch?
- Earl Megget: Switowski! Come here!
- [he comes running over]
- Earl Megget: You know what he said in the library?
- [whispers to Switowski about Dunham calling Malcolm X then "N word", as Switowski's eyes about pop out of his head]
- Earl Megget: Yes. Him. Out!
- Switowski: [Destroys Dunham with a huge hit on the next play. Everyone gathers around to look at Dunham and sniffs] I think I made-ed him shit himself.
- Coach Nate Scarborough: I think he just shit himself.
- All Sportswriters: I think he just shit himself.
- Stretcher Guy: Good lord, this guy shit himself big time!
- Switowski: [jumps up and down celebrating] See! I told you i made-ed him shit himself!
- Earl Megget: [as Dunmham is being carted off the field on a stretcher] I'll be sure to send them books to the hospital, pimp!
- Deacon Moss: And some diapers!
- Switowski: [after Turley breaks his nose] I think he did it on purpose!
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: No, he didn't do it on puropse...
- [glances over at Turley]
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Okay maybe he did.
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [drinking a toast with Caretaker] Here's to the first friend I've had in I-don't-know-how-long
- Switowski: I thought I was your friend, Paul.
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You are my friend, Switowski. Just finish your coloring book and go to sleep.
- Switowski: OK.
- Switowski: I'm sorry... I brokeded your toy.
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Oh, no, it's a good thing! you should share a victory hug with Caretaker.
- Caretaker: What?
- [Switowski lifts Caretaker in bear-hug and spins around laughing]
- Caretaker: [to Paul] Asshole!
- Switowski: I thought I was your friend, Paul.
- Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish your coloring book and go to sleep.
- Switowski: OK.