Ben Affleck credited as playing...
Ollie Trinke
- Gertrude Steiney: [very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs] You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
- Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
- Gertrude Steiney: [crying] I wanna be a coked-out whore!
- Gertrude Steiney: OK. You can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.
- Ollie: Convincing a town to approve something that's already in their best interest, that's just delayed common sense!
- Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?
- Ollie: [having been invited to the bar with Gertrude and Bart] No, that's OK, I'll stay here and do the dishes. I only cooked, why shouldn't I clean?
- Bart: Suit yourself. Don't wash that pan, I got a nice layer of juice built up for the pork roll, and I don't want you scrubbing it off.
- Ollie: That 'juice' is called grease, Dad. It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.
- Bart: It's called 'juice'. And it greases your father's insides so he can better swallow the shit his son feeds him twice a year, when he can be bothered to come to visit him.
- [Gertie and Ollie are at a video store]
- Gertie: You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in "Dirty Dancing."
- Ollie: l should? Should l say, ''Nobody puts Baby in a corner''?
- Gertie: Oh, can we rent "Dirty Dancing" again?
- Ollie: Ohh... "Dirty Dancing" ranks one notch below "Cats" in my book. Can you pick out something else?
- Gertie: Can we rent this?
- [gives Ollie the box to "Men in Black"]
- Ollie: [while examining the movie] Absolutely not. Go pick out something from the children's section.
- Gertie: All those movies suck!
- Ollie: Watch your language!
- [Ollie grabs a video from the adult video section]
- Doctor #1: [starts to tell Ollie the bad news] Ollie...
- Ollie: lf l don't get to go in there right now... l swear to God!
- Doctor #1: Ollie... Ollie, calm down.
- Ollie: Fuck you, calm down! OK? l got dragged out of there, l haven't got to see my baby!
- Doctor #1: Your baby is fine. She's healthy, she's normal.
- Ollie: What's wrong with Gertie?
- Doctor #1: l need you to calm down before l...
- Ollie: Look, l'm calm! OK?
- [heaves an exasperated sigh]
- Ollie: l'm calm.
- Doctor #1: We think Gertie had an aneurysm.
- Ollie: ls she OK?
- Doctor #1: We lost her, Ollie. The strain of the contractions and the pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture. There are rarely symptoms for aneurysms...
- Ollie: [the dialogue fades out as the song "That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart'' by Aimee Mann starts to play. Ollie breaks down and sinks to the floor, crying]