David Krumholtz credited as playing...
Bernard
- Bernard: OK, Chet. This is it. You ready to rock and roll?
- Principal Carol Newman: Chet?
- Bernard: Yeah. He's still in training.
- Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: How much flight time has he had?
- Bernard: About a minute and a half.
- Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Yeah but he's had a lotta crash time.
- Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Curtis.
- Curtis, the Experimental Elf: He's just a baby.
- Bernard: Don't listen to him! This guy's not Santa! He's a toy! He has a rubber face and a plastic tushie!
- Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Well, I think he's learning at an excellent rate!
- Bernard: Oh really? This morning, he ate a bowl of wax fruit.
- [talking about the new Toy Santa]
- Bernard: So I caution you all not to point, or stare, or use the word plastic!
- [the elves are being confronted by the toy soldiers in the courtyard]
- Bernard: [to elves] Snowballs on the count of three! One!
- [the elves drop to their knees and make snowballs]
- Bernard: Two!
- [elves aim their snowballs]
- Bernard: THREE!
- [Bernard and the elves throw their snowballs at the toy soldiers like crazy]
- Toy Santa: [while reading the contents of handbook of rules] Wait a minute. I need the naughty and nice list.
- Bernard: Nope.
- Toy Santa: Oh yes, yes, it says I'm supposed to check it twice.
- Bernard: Santa already checked it!
- Toy Santa: No, I didn't.
- Bernard: The real Santa.
- Toy Santa: I am the REAL Santa!
- Bernard: Sorry?
- Toy Santa: I'm in charge here!
- Bernard: WHAT?
- Toy Santa: I check the list twice. That's the rule. I like the rules. I think you're aware of how I feel about that.
- Bernard: I think you're misunderstanding something.
- Toy Santa: No, no, I'm a rule maker. I like the rules. Santa likes the rules.