They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore

This is only the first film I've seen from the collection of Long Island director and exploitation buff Nathan Schiff (I believe it was his third) and I was fairly amused by it, which was his intention for the most part. In that regard, TDCTGA (a fun title, by the way) was occasionally entertaining for me in a humorous way and prevented it from being a BOMB.

Of course, it's 8mm homegrown film-making and extremely crude, too. The acting and dialogue is terrible across the board, and there's no real story to the gruesome festivities other than two Texas dimwits hacking folks to pieces out in the suburbs -- but narrative is not necessarily a requirement for an exploitation flick, as long as it delivers the gory goods. And in that department, Schiff surprised me at times with the realistic-looking execution of some of his splatter sequences, while at other times they were so obviously fake that they lost the desired effect. In any case, it's always interesting to see independent efforts like this one, and note how the filmmakers try to utilize whatever effects, sets and locations are available to them. Here, a ravaged old house that was about to be torn down is put to good use as the sickening dwelling place of our featured maniacs.

If this had been made 20 years earlier it probably could have played in grindhouse theatres. It's too bad times have changed. Anyway -- I'd think gore hounds could have some laughs with this one if they know what to expect going in. And what not to expect. * out of ****

If "The Long Island Cannibal Massacre" and particularly "Weasels Rip my Flesh" taught me only one thing, it is that you need to be in a specific sort of condition in order to truly enjoy the movies of Nathan Schiff. Clinically dead, for example, or lobotomized.

Just as its predecessors, "They don't cut the grass anymore" is a sickening and repulsive amateur splatter-movie full of misogyny and vile intentions. In fact, if the gore effects weren't so weak and pathetic, this could easily be the most disturbing horror movie in history. So far, nothing remarkable. What really amazes me, though, is that writer/director Nathan Schiff and his buddies are still incompetent and terrible at making films even though it's already their third attempt. I mean, even the dumbest and most primitive living organisms evolve and become better at what they do. This theory clearly doesn't apply to Mr. Schiff, as his third full-length film is still as lousy and inept (possibly even lousier and more inept) as the previous two. You can literally feel your brain cells dying off while watching "They don't cut the grass anymore".

Thinking up awesome and juicy titles is pretty much the only thing Nathan Schiff excels at. This is the heartbreaking tale of two hideous rednecks from Texas, Billy-Buck and Jacob, making a living as home gardeners in the state of New York. They detest rich people, and women altogether, so they go on a random killing spree. They peel off girls' faces to the skull, rip out intestines, impale their victims in the rear, blast shotgun holes in crotches, and so on, and so on... There's nothing else happening, honestly. Even though only 70 minutes long, it's a really dull experience.

First off: please don't complain that this flick is terrible simply because of the bad acting, fake gore or lack of storyline. It was clearly meant to be that way for it is a low budget film. Whatever budget they did have was obviously spent on the gore - this is a gore flick, nothing more nothing less. It's as fake as hell but it keeps you watching, there's never a dull moment. There are also some hilarious lines such as when the girl cries "Please don't rape me!" in the most unconvincing voice ever, to which the gardener replies: "I ain't gonna rape you bitch, you smell like fish, I never did like seafood!" Me and my friend are always quoting that line! It's so bad but so hilarious. If you watch this with the right frame of mind, ie. not expecting a great film but expecting fake gory silliness, then you should enjoy it. Sadly there's not many people around that would take this film for what it is.

This is a extremely low budget movie as you can guess if you've watched any of Nathan Schiff's movies. If you're looking for a movie with a plot and good acting then you're looking in the wrong place. In Schiff's previous movie "Long Island Cannibal Massacre" he presented the viewers with a plausible plot but in this one it didn't come close to that. It's amazing that Nathan Schiff didn't get one single good actor, by good i mean, someone that could at least deliver one line convincingly, that could light up a cigar naturally but no, no such luck. There's plenty of gore but personally it didn't impress me, it's so unrealistic, so fake looking that you can't associate it with real blood, real skin, guts, etc. Watch at least one Nathan Schiff movie, just to get an idea about what he's all about, maybe this one isn't the best choice.

I Just love this gore movie. Yeah sure acting is bad, blood is bad, effects Are bad but its Just a funny easy bizarro movie. I love it. I wish it had better effects.