Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

When I say "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" was incredible, I don't mean that in a good way. All the main characters are current or former US federal agents, presumably to keep it interesting, but all the action takes places in Vancouver, BC, which, last time I looked, was not in the United States. The basic storyline was fairly straightforward (and rather hackneyed), but the motivations of the various characters were utterly incomprehensible. The film was somewhat on the short side, and I couldn't escape the feeling that the three scenes which might have tied together the loose ends inexplicably ended up on the cutting room floor. Banderas phoned in his performance (for God's sake, enunciate, man), and the musical score was just irritating. The only two things "Ballistic" had going for it were the presence of some rarely-seen hardware (fun for you firearms buffs) and some spectacular action sequences (though these were plagued by some annoying clichés, such as a protective vest preventing all injury to a character, and henchmen showing complete disregard for personal safety), and these were simply not enough to save this turkey. Avoid.

Let me just open by saying "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" is by far one of the dumbest, most god forsaken titles I have ever heard of.It's 2 titles over crammed into one.It's just an awful title.

So,here's the deal with this movie.The story side of it sucks.It's predictable, cliched, unbelieviable, and just loaded with plot holes.By the end,I don't really care about what's going on.

But...on the other hand...they just blow s--- up alot in this movie! And I got to hand it to them,blowing s--- up is pretty damn cool! Really, the "plot" of this movie is just a cover so they can have some really cool explosions.And that's not a bad thing.Because explosions in movies are cool.Also,the fighting sequences and shootouts are really cool too.

Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu do a fairly good job here,but the plot is beyond what their acting can save.Even though they are the 2 big name stars in the movie,the real stars of the movie are those oh so cool explosions!

I'm going to give this movie a 6 out of 10,which is way more then this movie really deserves.If I was judging this for for it's plot,it would be a 1 of 10,because the script is on the level of "Glitter" or a Joel Schumacher Batman movie.The reason my rating is that high is simply because I like the explosions...the explosions are cool!

1/2 out of ****

I'm not typically a particularly demanding moviegoer when it comes to action films; just give me well-choreographed mayhem set amidst a plot that makes a little bit of a sense or a few engaging characters and I'll probably be reasonably pleased. Ballistic fails to follow even that, which explains why the film bored the hell out of me. I'm almost hesitant to say this, but the latest straight-to-video Jean-Claude Van Damme schlock might actually be better than Ballistic, which was arguably 2002's worst film (I've never seen Rollerball).

There's something of a plot here, but I'm not entirely sure what the hell was going on. Antonio Banderas plays FBI Agent Ecks, Lucy Liu is Agent Sever, and the two of them are duking it out because they somehow have crossed paths with a wealthy man (Gregg Henry) who is determined to smuggle a small electronic device that can assassinate its intended victim via heart attack. Mixed up in it all is Talisa Soto as Banderas' supposedly dead wife, only she's not really dead. Much mayhen ensues.

Ballistic is directed by Kaos, a Thai filmmaker who apparently wanted his movies to live up to his name. This is his first American feature and he shows almost no ability in crafting an action sequence. Martial arts fights that should get the adrenaline-pumping are so stiltedly choreographed, it'll inspire either laughs or yawns. Kaos also goes overboard on the slow motion, ensuring there's never an opportunity for the fight scenes to build momentum. And this is the only film I can think of where the people involved in a car chase actually follow the speed limit!

I feel a bit sorry for the cast here, particularly Lucy Liu, whose martial arts talents are squandered here. To date, she hasn't been much of an actress, but she looks and convincingly acts tough so such a role here must have seemed like a good idea. For Banderas, this is the third film where he has trouble with mysterious women. I've heard of typecasting, but never to such a ridiculous extent. The only thing keeping this guy's career afloat is Robert Rodriguez and that Spy Kids franchise.

Tasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that there's a much bigger enemy at work.

The film has been called one of the worst movies ever made. At the box office, the film made $19.9 million on a $70 million budget. With a total of 116 reviews, the highest for a film with a 0% score, "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" is the worst reviewed film in the history of Rotten Tomatoes.

The first thing wrong, really, is the title. Not knowing who Ecks or Sever are, why do I care if they are versus each other? Just call the film "Ballistic" so it doesn't sound like a sequel to a movie nobody saw. I'm guessing some ticket sales were lost because of the misconception of it being a sequel.

Of course, that would not make it a better movie, but it would at least be less confusing.

I liked the trailers, I hoped for the best and then sat in dumbstruck horror as one of the worst films ever made (as in so bad its painful to watch bad) unspooled before my eyes. Rumor has it that the film makers know a thing about movie making. I know the cast does, but what wanders across the screen looks like the dailies of a really bad TV commercial put together by someone with no sense of film structure. I'm told that this has something to do with two assassins fighting each other after some one is kidnapped, but I'm not certain since things just sort of happen for no real reason. I would like to think that this movie was a big joke on the movie going public but no one would want to spend what it cost to make this movie as a joke, especially when there was no hope of ever getting the money back in ten thousand life times. A void unless your eyes need to experience cinematic blunt force trauma applied to them.