Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

I don't understand the negative comments on this movie. This movie is an undeniable classic. So there isn't hollywood grade acting, gimme a break, it's not supposed to be.

This movie delivers everything it offers to the watchers.

Ass kicking Jesus, Dead Vampires, Lesbians and Laughs.

LOVE IT.

In JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER, those pesky bloodsuckers are up to their toothsome troublemaking once more. Thus, causing a severe lesbian shortage! Thankfully, Jesus (Phil Caracas) is nearby, and the battle is enjoined. Let the kung fu of righteousness begin!

Sporting a new, shorter hairdo, and a zip in his step, JCVH takes on the nefarious ne'er-do-wells of the night... and day! With an assist from Mary Magnum (Maria Moulton), the Savior cops some new threads and hits the street on Mary's two-wheeled mercy machine. The non-denominational duo soon discovers the lair of the eeevil Dr. Praetorious (Josh Grace) and his villainous vampire cohorts, Johnny Golgotha (Ian Driscoll) and Maxine Schreck (Murielle Varhelyi). Can these terrible, plasma-drinking tosspots possibly be defeated, before implementing their ultimate plan?

Enter Santos (Jeff Moffet), the marvelously masked, Mexican wrestler of miracles! Together, these soldiers of goodness shall certainly prevail! Behold! The Jesus drum solo / bar room, vampire slaughter fest! Witness! The junkyard tag team, all-out catastrophic karate, gut-slinging, pile-driving, soul-saving, car-hopping, heart-munching, undead-sizzling finale to end all finales! Hallelujah! Let! Us!! Pray!!!

P.S.- Fear not. Nothing serious lies herein...

Low budget doesn't have to mean tacky. This is obviously a "B" movie in everything you see, but it has a certain charm. Sometimes, it is a musical, but it certainly isn't Jesus Christ Superstar. Sometimes, it is a Kung Fu movie, but it's nothing like Jet Li.

I was hoping that Jesus would get it on with Mary Magnum, looking as hot as Cat-woman in her red latex, and maybe give some credence to The Da Vinci Code, but no luck.

Jesus was too busy stopping the harvest of lesbians by the evil vampires. Of course, he was pathetic until he enlisted the help of Nacho Libre, well, really Santo Enmascarado de Plata. But, even then things got a little tight before it was all over.

Irreverent dialog makes for one crazy movie.

I feel betrayed. Here we have Jesus Christ engaging in martial arts combat. With vampires. Lesbian vampires. While teaming with El Santo. How can you miss!? Well, you can miss when you have no talent to back the thing up. The acting just hurt, the fight scenes were slow and dully choreographed, and the rendition of Santo was just depressing. It shows that some times a small budget can really hurt a movie.

The pacing is terrible--there is no sense of urgency at all and many actions aren't explained at all. Like I said, the plot is fantastic, I could barely contain my excitement, and yet it somehow managed to do everything wrong. I'm so sorry to give this movie a bad review, but I have to say it's only worth it for the morbidly curious.

JCVH is possibly one of the greatest examples of great movies that suck. JCVH is an awesome movie for this reason. True fans of film and people who have been at the bottom of the game understand what a hassle it can be to work without a budget. This film has some of the cheesiest effects that i've seen, but that is where it scores it's major points. With it's unbelievable amount of originality it's hard to understand how anyone could not want to see this movie. Most cynical reviewers will attack it's lack of 5 star acting, or it's lack of big budget effects, but the true deciding factor in a real fan of cinema's eyes is heart. This movie was scrounged together (For those of you who actually took the time to watch the special features on the DVD) and yet it was a huge favorite at many a film festival. This movie deserve much more credit that it is given, and I am going to see that it gets it.