Spencer Breslin: Conrad

The Cat in the Hat

Conrad

Fish: Someone else should drive!
Cat in the Hat: All right, you win. Concrete, you drive.
[gives Conrad the wheel]
Conrad Walden: Are you serious?
Cat in the Hat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea." But I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the twelve-year-old drive!" Now, punch it.
Conrad Walden: This is awesome!
Sally Walden: I want to drive.
Cat in the Hat: I think that's a great idea.
[gives Sally another wheel]
Conrad Walden: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
Cat in the Hat: You're right. We should *all* drive.
[gets his own wheel]

Cat in the Hat: [showing his car] Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
Sally Walden: S-L-O-W?
Cat in the Hat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.
Conrad Walden: Oh, you mean...
Cat in the Hat: No! Quick! To the S.L.O.W.!

[Sally, Conrad and Mrs. Kwan are watching TV. It shows a scene of Taiwanese Parliament Members fighting]
Conrad Walden, Sally Walden: Taiwanese Parliament.
Mrs. Kwan: You tell them, Kwi-Chang. No more big government! Rip his heart out!

Sally Walden: Where did you come from?
Cat in the Hat: Hmm, how do I put this? When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
Conrad Walden: No, no, no, no, no! Where did you *come* from?
Cat in the Hat: My place! Where do you think?

Conrad Walden: So, what do we do?
Cat in the Hat: Well, there are two treatments I'd recommend. One is a series of painful shots injected into your abdomen and kneecaps, and the other involves a musical number! Me-me-me-me-ow!
Sally Walden: How many shots?

Cat in the Hat: [closing the crate after Conrad opened it] Listen, Convex... you probably don't wanna do that.
Conrad Walden: Why not? It's just a crate.
Cat in the Hat: This isn't just *any* old crate, it's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
Conrad Walden: But it says, "Made in the Philippines".
Cat in the Hat: Yes, but not *this* Philippines.

Sally Walden: We're staying and calling Mom!
Conrad Walden: We're going and getting the dog!
Cat in the Hat: [sinister voice] There is a third option.
[Vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally Walden: There is?
Cat in the Hat: Yes. It involves... murder.
[more Vaudeville keyboard music]
Conrad Walden: That's your option?
Cat in the Hat: [normal voice] No. You guys both had options. I just wanted to have one too.
Cat in the Hat: [back to sinister] Or did I?
[more Vaudeville keyboard music]
Sally Walden: Cat, you're not helping!

Conrad Walden: I'm not going to military school.
Lawrence Larry Quinn: Oh, I think you're gonna love it! It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches and soul-crushing discipline.

Fish: Stop this right now!
Conrad Walden: Who said that?
Fish: Me! Remember, the fish? Came home in a baggy, loved me for two weeks, and then *nothing*!
Sally Walden: The fish is talking.
Cat in the Hat: Well, sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really.

Conrad Walden: I'll take the blame. Look, Mom will be home any second. Why don't you go upstairs?
Sally Walden: I'm not going upstairs. I'm staying with you.
Conrad Walden: Really? Why?
Sally Walden: Two reasons. One: the stairs are destroyed. Two: this is just as much my fault as yours. We should share the blame.
Conrad Walden: Thanks, Sally.
Sally Walden: By the way, you're a pretty good brother.
Conrad Walden: Glad you think that. Maybe we can room together at military school.

[from DVD menu]
Conrad Walden: [gets spit out of a tube from the Cat's hat] Whoa! Cool!
Sally Walden: [gets spit out next] Ugh! Well that was rather rude.
Conrad Walden: I thought it was pretty cool.
Sally Walden: You would.
Conrad Walden: You should.
Sally Walden: [to viewer] Oh, hello there. I'm Sally, and welcome to the Cat in the Hat DVD.
Conrad Walden: And I'm Conrad, and if you click over here, I'll show you some real cool stuff about the film.
Sally Walden: Or if you click on my side, I'll tell you some amazing stories about how they made the movie.
Conrad Walden: Don't listen to Sally, her stuff is boring! Click over here!
Sally Walden: The word you're looking for is interesting.
Fish: [rising from the hat] Remember the fish?

Conrad Walden: [tries to close the leaking crate] It won't stay shut!
Cat in the Hat: Not without the lock! Look, if we don't get that lock off of Nevins and put it back on this crate, we're gonna be staring down the business end of the Mother of All Messes.