Kevin Pollak: Lazlo

The Whole Ten Yards

Lazlo

Lazlo: You killed my Strabo.
Jimmy Tudeski: Actually, Strabonitz was already dead. He got shot when your hitter tried to shoot us.
Lazlo: [looks at Julie] Is this true?
Julie: Hey, Lazlo. Shit happens, all right?
Lazlo: Oh, yeah? Watch this shit happen.
[He grabs Jill's gun hand and shoots Julie]

[Jimmy, Oz, and Cynthia are Lazlo's prisoners; Jill, outside, has Lazlo's son hostage]
Lazlo: [shouting] Where's my son?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: All right, that's it!
Cynthia: Oz...
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: No, I've had enough!
[suddenly tough]
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: If you ever want to see your son again, you'll let us go right now.
Lazlo: Is that right?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yeah, that's right! And if we're not out of here by 11:00, Jill's gonna put one in Strabo's forehead. Just like Jimmy put one in Janni's forehead. Oh... it wasn't pretty.
Lazlo: [enraged] Give me a gun.
Jimmy Tudeski: [impressed] Not bad, Oz.
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Thanks.

Lazlo: [in an attempt to kidnap Oz] Now you go in and you grab him. You go in and you grab him. Now what do you do?
Strabo: I go in and...
Lazlo: And grab him. Now what do you do?
Strabo: I go in and I grab him.
Lazlo: Piece of pie.
Strabo: No. It's cake.
Lazlo: What did I say?
Strabo: Pie.
Lazlo: And what did you say?
Strabo: Cake. No, pie.
Lazlo: Piece of pie.
Strabo: [gets out of car and looks back at Lazlo] It's cake.
[Lazlo back hand slaps him]

Lazlo: [to two guys tied up in the trunk of a car] Tell everyone that Lazlo Gogolak is back in town.
[shoots both guys]
Strabo: How are they gonna tell everyone when they're dead?

Cynthia: How the hell do you know where my husband is?
Lazlo: That was simple: LuJack.
Cynthia: Lujack?
Lazlo: In the Poosche.
Strabo: No, Papa. It's... uh... You say LoJack.
[looks at Cynthia]
Strabo: See? LoJack.
Lazlo: I didn't quite hear.
Strabo: Oh. LoJack.
[Lazlo slaps Strabo]
Lazlo: Don't correct me. Don't ever correct me. Do you like getting hit, is that it? You're a freak who enjoys pain?
Strabo: Of course not.

[after shooting two rivals dead in a car trunk, Lazlo drives away; Strabo hands him a remote]
Lazlo: Oh, something else?
[he triggers the remote; behind him, the car explodes]
Lazlo: Ha! That was fun!

Lazlo: Can I ask you a questionnaire, how you found this place?
Jill: Nice Porsche you got.
Lazlo: [to his goons] You still have the Porsche? Let me explain to you when we get a moment together, the concept of the secret hideout.

Jimmy Tudeski: [Talking to Lazlo while getting shot at] Did you hire a hitter?
Lazlo: I can't really remember. Why? Is somebody shooting at you?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Would it be OK for me to ask you at this juncture who you are and what you're doing in my house?
[Lazlo's people start laughing at him]
Lazlo: I am flabbergasted!
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I'm sorry?
Lazlo: Chagrined! That you don't see the resemblance in the facial structure!
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: [to Lazlo's boys] And you guys basically understand all of this?

Lazlo: [after sending Strabo in to kidnap Oz, Lazlo later hears ambulance sirens going off and heading towards the builing] Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Lazlo: Los Angeles. How interesting. All right, we'll get going and cut them off at the piss.

Lazlo: Put one in his head. Maybe that will make him remember.
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: If Strabo puts one in my head, how am I gonna remember anything?
Lazlo: Shut up!
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I'll try that then.

Lazlo: Yermo. Zevo. We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes. Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

Lazlo: Do you remember... Janni Gogolak?
[Oz bolts to his feet, Strabo punches him and shoves him back down]
Lazlo: Do you, or don't you...?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: What?
Lazlo: [shouts] Remember Janni?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yes, I remember Janni!
Lazlo: Janni... was my son.
[Oz bolts to his feet again, Strabo punches him again and shoves him back down again]
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Now, Mr. Gogolak, I know what you're thinking.
Lazlo: Yes, you do?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I think I do.
Lazlo: You're the Amazing Kreskin?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: You're thinking that I killed your son! I did not kill your son! Jimmy Tudeski killed your son!
Lazlo: [picks an ornament off the mantel] You know, I collect these.
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Really?
Lazlo: No.
[puts it back on the mantel]
Lazlo: Vere's Yimmy?
Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yimmy's dead... Jimmy's dead! They're both dead!