Funky Monkey

This is the story of two guys who found a copy of 'Funky Monkey.' Finding this seemed odd at the time figuring that there are still posters for the movie at the local Cineplex Odeon. After seeing such classics as 'Every Which Way But Loose' and 'Project X,' these two guys figured movies with monkeys are awesome.

These guys were in for a long ride as they watched this movie. There was some monkey that was replaced by a Stunt MAN when action sequences were required. It was apparent that the monkey wasn't trained in the school of Shakespearean acting. Perhaps replacing the monkey with Ben Affleck might have helped the guys thought.

Maybe a strong sidekick would help like a Jackie Chan or heck maybe even Hulk Hogan. Luckily this movie had amazing martial artist and Jet Li look-a-like Matthew Modine. While some might argue that Matthew Modine doesn't come close to Jet Li, camera tricks prove that he is every bit as good. When it becomes obvious that an untrained chimp can't handle the movie, the movie leans on Matthew Modine to be the real star.

Did I mention that there is some dorky kid that develops a bond with Modine and the monkey? Is there a possibility that the kid learns confidence and even picks up a girl in this movie? Even Matthew Modine should get jealous with this one (because using the pick-up line 'I'm second fiddle to a monkey' doesn't seem to work with the ladies.)

Shortly after watching this movie the two guys got a phone call from Matthew Modine telling them 'Seven days.'

I bought this movie from Gamestop's discount used movie bin and the cover caused me to laugh uncontrollably so I bought it for 99cents. The movie itself is retarded and they use like ten different monkeys throughout the whole film that hardly look alike. Not to mention they use a stunt double who is just a short guy in costume making a desperate attempt to impersonate a monkey.

The director more than likely committed a murder-suicide with the chimpanzees after the movie debuted in a preview for some other low rent Warner Bros. film and he ended up owing money to the studio. It also doesn't help that he wasn't even infamous for the terrible job he did, he wasn't even known for producing a poop-chute film.

Why was this movie ever made?

When I sat down to watch "Funky Monkey" with the family, I must admit that I didn't have any particular expectations to the movie, given the synopsis. But it turned out that "Funky Monkey" was actually a rather funny and entertaining movie for being a family movie and all.

The story is about a top secret program to develop super soldiers from monkeys. Yeah, I know. But when the main chimpanzee escapes captivity with help from his trainer, things change dramatically as both trainer and chimpanzee have to find places in life outside the research facility.

There is an abundance of hilarious scenes throughout the movie, which had the entire family laughing loudly many times. So the enjoyment factor of "Funky Monkey" is rather big if you sit down as as family to watch the movie.

Now, the chimpanzee did perform quite well in its scenes, but there were some fighting scenes where it was just gut-awful obvious that it was a man in a chimpanzee costume trying to pass for a monkey.

There are a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, which includes Matthew Modine, Taylor Negron, Gilbert Gottfried, Fred Ward and Jeffrey Tambor. The hired cast were performing well with their given roles and characters, taking the storyline into consideration.

All in all, then "Funky Monkey" is an enjoyable movie for the entire family.

If you look at my profile, you will know that I am a HUGE fan of chimpanzee movies. I was literally raised on Lancelot Link, and I have been a massive fan of beloved classics like "Ed" and "Bedtime for Bonzo", so much so that I even pursued a career working with chimps. This is why that when I heard about this film, I was so excited for its release. However, upon seeing it, I was not only disappointed but disgusted. I will not exaggerate one bit when I say that I truly despise this film. I actually pity the poor producer of this film for having to see this showcased. This film is so horrifically terrible that it has led to my hospitalization three times, once for a brain aneurysm, and twice for attempting to jump off of a bridge over the highway, leading to my current routine of court-mandated weekly therapy sessions. When I first saw this film, I was filled with nothing but pure rage, pure malice, pure hatred, so much so that I began unconsciously punching the brick wall in the alley behind the theatre until my hand bled and I had a hairline fracture in my wrist from the stress of my fist hitting the wall at full force repeatedly. If I was put in a room with a firearm and two bullets, and I was with Josef Stalin and the director of this film, I would shoot Stalin twice, simply so I could beat the director to death with my bare fists. This film is revolting to me. It truly disgusts me. It makes me want to vomit out my entrails all over the floor, just to end the suffering of viewing this film. I rewatched "Full Metal Jacket" the other day, one of my all-time favorite movies. But as soon as I saw the beginning scene, I could see nothing besides Mathew Modine and was reminded of his participation in "Funky Monkey", which caused me to repeatedly bash my head against the wall until restrained by my friends. This film is a skid mark on the formerly flawless slab that was chimpanzee films. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion. Even writing this review has resulted in such feelings of malice that I have shattered my coffee mug in my hand. The main character of the movie isn't even a monkey. It's called "Funky Monkey". The main character is a chimp. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Why was this infernal film ever created? What unholy entity created the idea of this film, because I know a human is incapable of such evil, and I hope with all of my soul that our God is not so malicious as to create this film out of spite for humanity. This film is the embodiment of true suffering, of true pain, of true horror. The anger that this film has created for me has no words, and cannot be expressed through words. The only way of describing my feelings towards this film is pure and utter hatred. I truly hate this movie, in every sense of the word.

In all my years of critiqeing other people's works I have never come across a film without fault, but Funky Monkey has changed my perspective on the media of film forever. -Martin Scorcassie