Funky Monkey

Me and my kids love this movie. We watch it every time I have custody. The monkeys great. The acting superb. And WHEW the sec appeal!!! My little kiddos want t be just like the main character when they grow up. They're always screeching and biting all the neighbors :). If you're not okay with a bit of gore and adult themes, this movie may not be for you. I don't want to give any spoilers, but the meat grinder scene did give little Olivia nightmares for weeks.... But overall, GREAT movie. WOULD recommend if you're looking to instill some good communist values in your youngins.

Funky Monkey is bae. Never in my life have i seen such a beautiful monke. I want to marry funky monke

If you look at my profile, you will know that I am a HUGE fan of chimpanzee movies. I was literally raised on Lancelot Link, and I have been a massive fan of beloved classics like "Ed" and "Bedtime for Bonzo", so much so that I even pursued a career working with chimps. This is why that when I heard about this film, I was so excited for its release. However, upon seeing it, I was not only disappointed but disgusted. I will not exaggerate one bit when I say that I truly despise this film. I actually pity the poor producer of this film for having to see this showcased. This film is so horrifically terrible that it has led to my hospitalization three times, once for a brain aneurysm, and twice for attempting to jump off of a bridge over the highway, leading to my current routine of court-mandated weekly therapy sessions. When I first saw this film, I was filled with nothing but pure rage, pure malice, pure hatred, so much so that I began unconsciously punching the brick wall in the alley behind the theatre until my hand bled and I had a hairline fracture in my wrist from the stress of my fist hitting the wall at full force repeatedly. If I was put in a room with a firearm and two bullets, and I was with Josef Stalin and the director of this film, I would shoot Stalin twice, simply so I could beat the director to death with my bare fists. This film is revolting to me. It truly disgusts me. It makes me want to vomit out my entrails all over the floor, just to end the suffering of viewing this film. I rewatched "Full Metal Jacket" the other day, one of my all-time favorite movies. But as soon as I saw the beginning scene, I could see nothing besides Mathew Modine and was reminded of his participation in "Funky Monkey", which caused me to repeatedly bash my head against the wall until restrained by my friends. This film is a skid mark on the formerly flawless slab that was chimpanzee films. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion. Even writing this review has resulted in such feelings of malice that I have shattered my coffee mug in my hand. The main character of the movie isn't even a monkey. It's called "Funky Monkey". The main character is a chimp. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Why was this infernal film ever created? What unholy entity created the idea of this film, because I know a human is incapable of such evil, and I hope with all of my soul that our God is not so malicious as to create this film out of spite for humanity. This film is the embodiment of true suffering, of true pain, of true horror. The anger that this film has created for me has no words, and cannot be expressed through words. The only way of describing my feelings towards this film is pure and utter hatred. I truly hate this movie, in every sense of the word.

This is the story of two guys who found a copy of 'Funky Monkey.' Finding this seemed odd at the time figuring that there are still posters for the movie at the local Cineplex Odeon. After seeing such classics as 'Every Which Way But Loose' and 'Project X,' these two guys figured movies with monkeys are awesome.

These guys were in for a long ride as they watched this movie. There was some monkey that was replaced by a Stunt MAN when action sequences were required. It was apparent that the monkey wasn't trained in the school of Shakespearean acting. Perhaps replacing the monkey with Ben Affleck might have helped the guys thought.

Maybe a strong sidekick would help like a Jackie Chan or heck maybe even Hulk Hogan. Luckily this movie had amazing martial artist and Jet Li look-a-like Matthew Modine. While some might argue that Matthew Modine doesn't come close to Jet Li, camera tricks prove that he is every bit as good. When it becomes obvious that an untrained chimp can't handle the movie, the movie leans on Matthew Modine to be the real star.

Did I mention that there is some dorky kid that develops a bond with Modine and the monkey? Is there a possibility that the kid learns confidence and even picks up a girl in this movie? Even Matthew Modine should get jealous with this one (because using the pick-up line 'I'm second fiddle to a monkey' doesn't seem to work with the ladies.)

Shortly after watching this movie the two guys got a phone call from Matthew Modine telling them 'Seven days.'

In all my years of critiqeing other people's works I have never come across a film without fault, but Funky Monkey has changed my perspective on the media of film forever. -Martin Scorcassie