Jimmy Fallon credited as playing...
Ben
- Reporter at Spring Training: Where do the Sox rank in terms of importance in your life?
- Ben: I say the Red Sox... sex... and breathing.
- Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves?
- Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.
- Troy: Huh?
- Ben: That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.
- Ben: I like being part of something that's bigger than me, than I. It's good for your soul to invest in something you can't control.
- Lindsey Meeks: You're a romantic. You have a lyrical soul. You can love under the best and worst conditions.
- Lindsey Meeks: So you don't have a cell phone, a Blackberry, a pager, nothing?
- Ben: No.
- Lindsey Meeks: Well, what if some sudden crisis occurs, like your father has a heart attack or something?
- Ben: My father died two years ago.
- Lindsey Meeks: Oh, I'm sorry.
- Ben: I just found out this morning, so it's been a rough 24 hours. You know, maybe I should get a cell phone. That's a good idea.
- Ben: [laughs] You're funny, Ben...
- Ben: Wrightman.
- Lindsey Meeks: Wrightman, yeah.
- Ben: You forgot my last name.
- Lindsey Meeks: No, I just blanked.
- Ben: I know why you forgot. It's all right.
- Lindsey Meeks: I...
- Ben: 'Cause I bet when you talk to your friends, you call me Ben the School Teacher.
- Ben: What are you doing? You're gonna get arrested!
- Lindsey Meeks: Don't sell your tickets, okay?
- Ben: That's why you ran across the whole field?
- Lindsey Meeks: Yes, to stop you.
- Ben: What?
- [a cop tries to intervene]
- Lindsey Meeks: Just give me a second, just give me a second, please, please!
- Ben: You gotta tell me, wait: the outfield. The grass, is it spongy?
- Lindsey Meeks: Ben, focus!
- Lindsey Meeks: [moans, groans] Oh, just kill me. Just take a hammer and kill me.
- Ben: [rings doorbell]
- Lindsey Meeks: Oh, shit. Who is it?
- Ben: I-It's me, it's Ben. Your date?
- Lindsey Meeks: Oh, God, no. Oh.
- [Lindsey unlocks and opens the door]
- Lindsey Meeks: I'm sick. Come back. I'll call you tomorrow.
- [Lindsey closes the door]
- Lindsey Meeks: Go away.
- Ben: [Ben holds the door open] Wait, wait, wait. What kind of sick? Are you okay? Are you in pain?
- Lindsey Meeks: I -
- [Lindsey swallows]
- Lindsey Meeks: I ate at this new place. I think -
- [Lindsey runs to the bathroom and vomits]
- Ben: Are you faking it? Because we don't really have to do this if you don't...
- Lindsey Meeks: [vomits] Mommy. Ernie, go away. Ernie, don't eat that! Oh, shit.
- Ben: So you wanna pull the plug on this thing, or - ?
- Lindsey Meeks: [vomits, coughs]
- Ben: [confession time] The thing is, uh, I am a Red Sox fan.
- Lindsey Meeks: Yeah?
- Ben: No, I'm like a big, big Red Sox fan.
- Lindsey Meeks: I know. I mean, I've been to your apartment, seen the Red Sox dish towels and glasses and the Yankee toilet paper. It's like you live in a gift shop.
- Ben: It's worse. See, when I was a kid, I moved here from New Jersey, and I didn't have any friends or anything. So my uncle Carl started taking me to Fenway Park. And I just, I got lost in the game. I mean, the ballpark, and the people, the colors, sounds, smells. And then he got cancer and he died, and he left me his season tickets. And it's a passion. I mean, it's a very, very big part of my life. And it's been a problem with me and women.
- Lindsey Meeks: Ah. Aaah. I know those women. The 'pay attention to me' and 'why aren't you talking to me?'
- Ben: Yeah, exactly.
- Lindsey Meeks: God, those women are so pathetic.
- Ben: Yeah. It's like, 'What are you getting so worked up for? I mean, you're not even doing it, you're watching it.'
- [They laugh]
- Lindsey Meeks: Yeah!
- Ben: Hey, how about, sometimes I like being eleven years old.
- [after Ben and Lindsey have had a good time at Robin's birthday party and then a satisfying evening at home, Ben gets a call from Troy that the Sox defeated the Yankees]
- Lindsey Meeks: Hi. Would you like an omelet?
- Ben: They won.
- Lindsey Meeks: The Red Sox? Oh, good! This really is your night.
- Ben: No, you don't understand. They scored eight runs in the bottom of the ninth, to win 8-7. It was the best game ever. I, I can't - I never miss a game. Ever! This is like a nightmare. This is beyond - this is like a punishment from God or something.
- Lindsey Meeks: [no longer smiling] Two minutes ago, you said this was the best night of your life.
- Ben: Yeah; two minutes ago, it was!
- Lindsey Meeks: Hey. I didn't tell you not to go.
- Ben: Oh, no. No, no. Of course not! No. You had nothing to do with it. I just suddenly had a whim, after eleven years of never missing an inning, to suddenly not go to a Yankees game!
- [He punches the wall, and the dog whines and hides behind the couch]
- Lindsey Meeks: [getting teary-eyed] Hey. Wasn't it you yourself that said, just tonight, it's only a game?
- Ben: Oh, that's great. That's great. Pile it on, yeah. Kick me when I'm down, that's great.
- Lindsey Meeks: It is just a game.
- Ben: Clearly it's not just a game! If it was, then obviously I wouldn't care about it this much! Twenty-three years. Do you still care about anything you cared about twenty-three years ago? How about ten? How about five? Name me a single thing that you cared about for twenty-three years.
- [after Ben came to Lindsey's door and Patrick answered it]
- Ben: I can't believe you're on a date! This is like...
- Lindsey Meeks: I'm not.
- Ben: Yeah, well, you know what? I, I'll call you. Sorry I bothered you. I'll call you.
- [He turns to leave, then comes right back]
- Ben: No, no, this is crazy. I'm sorry. I came here for a reason, all right? Look. I love you, Lindsey. And I think we should give this another chance.
- [She looks down]
- Ben: Did you hear me?
- Lindsey Meeks: Ben...
- Ben: Look. Look, look, look. You finish your evening, all right? I'll hang out here, and when you're done with your date, we'll get married!
- Lindsey Meeks: [She smiles a bit despite herself] I don't think so.
- Lindsey Meeks: You don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the background. You see the Mariners are coming in, and Pedro's pitching Friday.
- Ben: No, on Saturday. Schilling's Friday.
- Ben: You know what's really great about baseball?
- Lindsey Meeks: Hmm?
- Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life you don't have to be great in - business, music, art - I mean you can get lucky.
- Lindsey Meeks: Really?
- Ben: Yeah, you can fool everyone for awhile, you know? It's like - not - not baseball. You can either hit a curveball or you can't. That's the way it works...
- Lindsey Meeks: Hmm.
- Ben: You know?
- Ben: You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh...
- Lindsey Meeks: Life?
- Ben: Yeah. It's - it's safe.