Owen Wilson credited as playing...
Ken Hutchinson
- Starsky: [in a deep Brooklyn-ish accent to prepare for a disguise] Hey, do me a favor, tip your hat forward. Just tilt it forward. C'mon.
- Hutch: No, I like it where it is.
- Starsky: No, seriously, come on, do it. Do it.
- Hutch: Will you... will you stop with that. That voice makes you sound crazy.
- Starsky: It does not make me sound crazy, it makes me sound like "Maury Finkle, founder of Finkle Fixtures, Biggest Lighting Fixture Chain in the Southland."
- Hutch: Ohhhh, it's a little voice and a character. You got a whole back story. That's good.
- Starsky: Yeah, little touches, ya know, little touches, little details. Ya wanna make the character full, real.
- Huggy Bear: Look here, Hutch, you gon' have to lay up off this juice. You done had too much to drink.
- Hutch: Come on! I feel like a million bucks. I'm just laughing, having a good time.
- Huggy Bear: Look man, it ain't even funny no more. There used to be a time around here when you peed on the wall, you did it outside.
- Hutch: Lighten up! It's Friday night. Okay, it's a bar.
- Huggy Bear: Hutch, it's Wednesday afternoon man. Snap out of it.
- Starsky: [Heather takes off her top and bottoms] So, did you uh... When did he... Did he... What... So Hutch do you got any more questions?
- Hutch: Yeah, well, uh sure. We could... What's your sign?
- Heather: Gemini.
- Starsky: What uh... What do you weigh?
- Heather: What does that have to do with anything?
- Starsky: It has everything to do with anything and just answer the question please, ma'am.
- Heather: Around 115 I guess, give or take. I wish I could be more helpful.
- Hutch: Stop. Don't do that. You've been great. It's been terrific.
- Heather: Anything else?
- Starsky: I'm good.
- Hutch: Yeah.
- Starsky: Yeah.
- Hutch: Thank you so much.
- Huggy Bear: Hutch, you'll have the usual?
- Hutch: You know it and make it a double.
- Huggy Bear: Leon, get my a man a jack and tab. And double that.
- Leon: You got it boss.
- Starsky: Hey, I'll get a seltzer with a little lime if you got it.
- Huggy Bear: I don't got it.
- Starsky: Or not. That's cool. I'm good.
- [Huggy is trying to convince Hutch to forgive Starsky]
- Huggy Bear: Dig this man. Someone once said: "To err is human, to forgive divine."
- Hutch: Tch. What idiot said that?
- Huggy Bear: I believe that was God - the greatest mack of all.
- Hutch: [after seeing the Grand Torino] Whoa! Your stock just went up in my book, my friend. Pop the hood, let me see what you got under...
- Starsky: Hey! Hotshot! What do you think you're doing? This is a Ford Grand Torino. It's not some crappy camper slash apartment. There are rules.
- Hutch: Okay, okay.
- Starsky: You do not bang on the hood. You never under any circumstances drive. And you will certainly not put your coffee mug on the roof of the car. In fact, no coffee in the car whatsoever. Coffee goes on the ground, you get in the car, we go.
- Hutch: You gotta be kidding me. No way!
- Starsky: What?
- Hutch: A floater. Nothing harder to solve than a floater. No prints, body's usually bloated, it's next to impossible. All right, I say we push it out and hope the current pushes it down to the next precinct.
- [Hutch tries to push the body away with a stick]
- Starsky: Whoa, what are you doing?
- Hutch: Trust me, you're gonna thank me for this one.
- Starsky: Hey, seriously stop it.
- Hutch: The key is not to pop it. You gotta be very ginger.
- Starsky: Hey!
- [Starsky points a gun at Hutch]
- Hutch: What are you doing?
- Starsky: I said drop the stick.
- Hutch: You're gonna point a gun at me? Okay, fine, have it your way. If it's so important knock yourself out. What are you gonna solve anyway?
- Starsky: A murder. I'm gonna solve a murder.
- Waitress: Hi, can I get you two a drink?
- Starsky: You sure can sweetheart. Johnnie Red neat, ok, do it, Do It.
- Waitress: Alright, and you?
- Hutch: Do it, Bacardi and cola, do it, do it.
- Waitress: Ok? I'll be right back.
- Starsky: What are you doing?
- Hutch: What?
- Starsky: What was that? You just stole my voice.
- Hutch: No, I didn't.
- Starsky: Yes, you did. You got to come up with your own voice, ok, that's my thing.
- Hutch: What am I supposed to do? I don't have a great cool little voice like you do.
- Starsky: You come up with your own character. That's why you're the Texas oil tycoon guy...
- Kevin: Tonight's second winner: Number 1-1-7.
- Monix: Right on! Yeah!
- Hutch: Yee-ha! Whoo! Yes! Thank you very much.
- Starsky: Sit now. Do it.
- [Huffs]
- Starsky: Do it!
- Hutch: The big man has just hit the mother lode! Old Shakes McGinty did it! Yes! Unbelievable!
- Starsky: [as Finkle] This is incredible.
- Hutch: I'm a rich man, and I'm gonna kiss you!
- Hutch: [pointing at Starsky] I like your style.
- David Starsky: [pointing at Hutch] I like your moves.
- Starsky: Wrong answer, Big Earl.
- Bartender: Big Earl? I'm not Big Earl, I'm Jeff.
- Hutch: Yeah, sure, no-one's who they say they are.
- Bartender: Seriously. Think about it, I'm not even big.
- Hutch: Yeah, he's got a point.
- Starsky: Maybe it's one of those ironic names like Tiny over in vice. He's like eight feet tall and everyone calls him Tiny.
- Hutch: Except this guy's kind of normal size, he'd have to be a lot smaller for a name like Big Earl to be ironic.
- Starsky: You don't have to be a midget, how tall are you?
- Bartender: I don't know, 5'9"?
- Starsky: Well that is kind of?
- Hutch: It's borderline, it's average.
- [Starsky and Hutch are in the Captain's office]
- Captain Doby: You've robbed 7 bookies over the past 6 months. You haven't filed a report, turned in any money; you haven't even arrested anybody.
- Hutch: How can I arrest them? They'll know I'm a cop.
- Starsky: Oh, I wouldn't worry. I don't think you're in any danger for being mistaken for a real cop.
- Hutch: Oh really? Hey, why don't you do me a favor and go get yourself another perm and let the grown-ups talk.
- Starsky: For your information, my hair is naturally curly.
- Hutch: No it's not.
- Starsky: Yes it is.
- Hutch: That's a perm job all the way.
- Starsky: TOUCH IT.
- [Hutch touches Starsky's hair]
- Captain Doby: Hey. Why are you touching him? Jesus. You know something? You two deserve each other. Make nice. You two are partners.
- Hutch: [waiting outside Huggy's club] What, you've never run an errand on the clock before?
- Starsky: No, I happen to take care of my personal business after work. When the taxpayers aren't paying me to protect them.
- Hutch: Give me a break. You've never stopped and bought yourself a cup of coffee?
- Starsky: I bring a thermos.
- Big Earl: [Starsky tries to bribe Big Earl] I'll tell you what, I do like your blonde friend here. Let me see your belly button.
- Hutch: No. Let's go.
- [hangs up the phone]
- Starsky: Hold on a second. The guy's obviously a freak. Just show him a little skin. Show him your stomach. Nobody's here.
- Big Earl: Are we cool?
- Starsky: Yes, we're cool.
- Big Earl: [Hutch shows his stomach] Oh, eureka. God, that's nice. It's like a little bowl of oatmeal with a hole in it. I got one too. I just got a little more brown sugar on mine.
- Hutch: I've always had this theory about police work. If you can't beat 'em? join 'em! Besides, a lot of cops worry about the wrong thing - crime. Not me though. I'm looking out for numero uno.