Ted Raimi credited as playing...
- Sam: Hey deadites! *Mind* your own business! Ha ha! Get it? Mind? You know, the deadites... possessions... losing it...
- Ash: [sarcastically] Good one, runt.
- Sam: Thanks. Wait a sec... I mean screw you!
- Sam: Hey, who left the stove on? Know what this furnace reminds me of?
- Ash: I have no idea.
- Sam: Johnny Sticks. Him and me, we used to be connected.
- Ash: Connected to what? The union of verbally challenged half deadites?
- Sam: You know, "connected"! Me and Sticks, the guy was thin as a toothpick, we were top earners.
- Ash: I thought you were an ice cream driver.
- Sam: I was a lot of things, you know for cover. Me and Sticks used to pose as chimney sweeps, sneaking out of furnace vents with the loot. Sticks must have put on a couple of pounds cause he got himself stuck. Furnace comes on and *boom*! Then, err...
- Ash: And then you played "pick up sticks" right?
- Sam: I don't deserve sarcasm.
- Sam: You ever got an itch you can reach but probably shouldn't be scratchin'? Hee hee!
- Sam: So, you wanna swap stories on how we lost our virginity?
- Ash: Hey Napoleon, open that gate for me and make it snappy.
- Sam: I don't know who you think you are, but I demand respect!
- Ash: Oh, you want respect? Then stop complaining to my crotch!
- Sam: OOOOH! You just made a big mistake buddy, you've messed with the wrong midget! I'll shove my boot so far up your ass, you need a shoe horn to swallow!
- Ash: Well, even your temper's short!
- Sam: The portal's is this way. We'll need to find a way around.
- Ash: No, no. YOU need to find away around.
- Sam: Don't push me, two-stroke!
- Sam: Don't you just hate long silences?
- Sam: Wanna see a party trick? Gimme a watch and twenty bucks!
- Sam: Oh sure. Pick on the one dead guy NOT trying to waste you!
- Ash: Come on Sam, what's a little decapitation between friends?
- Ash: [staring at the Rail Boss] Nice mug! Any relation?
- Sam: Why do you gotta keep busting my balls?
- Rail Boss: FRESH SOULS!
- Ash: [cocking his boomstick] Okay, enough! Time to give Junior his bottle!
- Ash: Stupid book... Stupid Knowby! I'd like to give this egghead a boomstick migraine!
- Sam: Y'a know, you really need to work on your anger issues!
- Sam: The portal should be on the far side of this forrest...
- Ash: Tone down, runt. These threes have ears... evil ears!
- Sam: You what I miss about being alive? Pedicures!
- Sam: [to a vanishing Knowby head] Now why don't you make like a nose, and run! You... big nose!
- Ash: Oooh, that's telling him
- [!]
- Sam: [to Reinhard] Why don't you just... go hump a stump
- [a very long pause during which Reinhard looks confused. then...]
- Ash: Er, maybe you should leave the witty banter to me
- Ash: Say, Sam, I smell methane. Was that you or something else?
- Sam: Sorry.
- Ash: Hey, watch yourself stubby!
- Sam: Who you calling stubby?
- [points to Ash's right stub]
- Ash: Grr...
- [Reinhard is about to sacrifice Sally when he gets shot from behind by Ash]
- Ash: Knock, knock.
- Sally: ASH!
- Dr. Reinhard: ASH!... impossible.
- [Ash and Sam recoil from Dr. Reinhard's ugliness]
- Ash: We should consider ourselves lucky runt, he could of set up shop in the house of mirrors.
- Dr. Reinhard: I underestimated you Ash, and you too Sam. how are you my little failed experiment? Still DEAD I'm guessing?
- Sam: Real funny you sadistic nutjob, why don't you... go hump a stump!
- [everyone pauses for a minute and Reinhard looks confused]
- Ash: Er, why don't you let me handle the witty banter from now on?
- Ash: [to the Deadite Rail Boss] Nice mug!
- [to Sam]
- Ash: Any relations?
- Sam: Why do you gotta keep busting on my balls?
- Rail Boss: [roaring at Ash & Sam] FRESH... SOULS!
- Ash: [pointing his boomstick towards the giant Deadite] Okay, enough! Time to give Junior his bottle!
- Ash: Cranky Pants Games.
- Sam: Who's the frickin' genius who came up with that name?
