Jamie Parker credited as playing...
- [about Irwin]
- Dakin: Foreskins and stuff. "Oh, sir, you devil!"
- Scripps: Have a heart. He's only five minutes older than we are.
- [discussing Posner liking Dakin]
- Scripps: Oh, Pos, with your spaniel heart. It will pass.
- Posner: Yes, it's a phase. Who says I want it to pass? But the pain, the *pain*.
- Scripps: Hector would say it's the only education worth having.
- Posner: Yes. I just wish there were marks for it.
- [Timms is trying to duck out of Athletics]
- Wilkes: What's the matter with you, lad?
- Timms: I've got a note.
- Wilkes: How much for?
- [laughs]
- Wilkes: I don't *do* notes! Get changed!
- Timms: Sir...
- Wilkes: God doesn't do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, "Can I be excused the Crucifixion?" No!
- Scripps: Actually, sir, I think he *did*...
- Scripps: What makes you think he'd do it with you?
- [Dakin smiles]
- Scripps: You complacent fuck.
- Dakin: Does the Archbishop of Canterbury know you talk like this?
- Dakin: I just wanted to say thank you.
- Scripps: So? Give him a subscription to The Spectator or a box of Black Magic. Just because you've got a scholarship doesn't mean you've got to give him unfettered access to your dick.
- Scripps: No more genital massage as one speeds along leafy suburban roads. No more the bike's melancholy long withdrawing roar as he dropped you at the corner, your honour still intact.
- [Dakin is annoyed because he thinks Irwin doesn't like him]
- Posner: But he doesn't understand, Irwin *does* like him. He seldom looks at anyone else.
- Scripps: How do you know?
- Posner: Because nor do I. Our eyes meet looking at Dakin.
- [Scripps is taking the mick out of Dakin for trying to please Irwin too much]
- Scripps: Have you looked at your handwriting recently? You're beginning to write like him!
- [turns to look at Posner's essay]
- Scripps: You're writin' like 'im an' all!
- Posner: I am not! Dakin writes like him, I write like Dakin.
- [about religion]
- Scripps: It's what you don't do.
- Dakin: You don't *not wank*? Jesus, you're headed for the bin.
- Scripps: It's not for ever.
- Dakin: Yeah? Well, tell me on the big day and I'll stand well back.
- [about Dakin/Irwin]
- Dakin: So how would you say thank you?
- Scripps: Same as you probably. On my knees.
- Dakin: The more you read, though, the more you'll see that literature is actually about losers.
- Scripps: No.
- Dakin: It's consolation. All literature is consolation.
- Dakin: What happened with Hector? On the bike?
- Scripps: As per. Except I managed to get my bag down. I think he thought he'd got me going. In fact it was my Tudor Economic Documents, Volume 2.
- Scripps: Love can be very irritating.
- Posner: How do you know?
- Scripps: That's what I always think about God. Must get so pissed off, everybody adoring him all the time.
- Posner: Yes, only you don't catch God poncing about in his underpants.
- [Fiona walks past. Dakin and Scripps gaze lustfully at her]
- Dakin: Lecher though one is - or aspires to be - it occurs to me that the lot of woman cannot be easy, who must suffer such inexpert male fumblings, virtually on a daily basis. Are we scarred for life, do you think?
- Scripps: We must hope so.
- [about to go on the bike with Hector]
- Scripps: The things I do for Jesus.
