Alyson Hannigan credited as playing...
Julia Jones
- [Julia desperately needs a makeover]
- Julia Jones: I heard you were the best.
- Hitch: You're goddamn right I'm the best! Look at all the couples I'm responsible for. You got Brad and Jen, Jessica and Nick, Ben and Jen, Ben and Jen, Ben and Matt, Kobe and Shaq, Ellen and Anne. Yeah, I do them too.
- Frank Jones: I was wrong about Grant. He's really a nice guy. He even liked you when you were butt-ugly.
- Julia Jones: How do you...?
- Frank Jones: I saw it in your flashback.
- Grant Funkyerdoder: [voice-over reading his message to Julia] If you still love me the way I love you, meet me where Meg Ryan met Tom Hanks.
- Julia Jones: On the internet?
- Grant Funkyerdoder: [still in voice-over] No, not in "You've Got Mail," in "Sleepless in Seattle."
- Grant Funkyerdoder: [faking an orgasm] OH, yeah. Oh yeah that's it! Yes! Yes, yes, yes. Y-y-y-y-yes! Whew... yes.
- Waitress: So you're saying you want the porkchops?
- Julia Jones: I'll have what he's having.
- Julia Jones: You had me at hello.
- Grant Funkyerdoder: I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her.
- Frank Jones: When I first got married to your mother, we barely knew each other. Could barely even speak the English language.
- Julia Jones: But you're from Jersey...
- Frank Jones: I'm trying to make a point here.
- Julia Jones: Well, we want a traditional wedding. Something simple yet elegent.
- Jell-O: Yo! I know exactly the place. Muy romantico!
- [Holds up a picture of a Taco Bell]
- Jell-O: Taco Butt. Think outside my buns.
- Julia Jones: It's not quite what we had in mind.
- Linda Jones: So Grant ever knock any one up?
- Julia Jones: Mom!
- Linda Jones: What? I want many grandchildren and how do I know if he's shooting blanks or not
- Julia Jones: How will I ever measure up to that?
- [hands Hitch a sexy photo of Andy]
- Hitch: You can't. She's fine as hell! I would tear that shit up!
- Julia Jones: [after sex with Grant] Thant was... Amazing!
- Old Woman: [Old woman in window appears] It sure was...
- [she starts caressing her body]
- Old Woman: Oh... OHHH... OHHHHHHH... She faked it Grant
- [Grant looks at Julia, Old woman whispers;]
- Old Woman: But I didn't... Meow... Meow... Purrrrrrr... Purrrrrr
- Julia Jones: What happens when the ho doesn't give up all the cash?
- Little Jack: [Swings his hands]
- Julia Jones: [Turns illustration card over to a picture of a man slapping a woman] That's right Little Jack! Keep your pimp hand strong!
- Julia Jones: [Picks up another card] What happens when the dime bag is a little light?
- Little Jack: [Pinches his fingers]
- Julia Jones: [Turns the card over to a picture of a drug dealer] Right! The dealer pinched!
- Julia Jones: [Picks up a third card] What happens when someone rats us out to the cops?
- Little Jack: [Makes a stabbing motion]
- Julia Jones: [Turns the card over to a picture of a man being stabbed] Shiv 'em in the kidney.
- Little Jack: [His first word] Biotch.